I had another marriage kit interview last night. It strikes me, as I travel to and fro on the West side of the city, that I’m pretty much going to the same neighborhoods over and over again. This person is a stone’s throw from that person. The furniture in the homes is similar. The set up is pretty much the same. It makes me feel like a foreigner, like one of those documentary people that go around filming cultural phenomenon that have nothing to do with them.
It’s a bit like journeying into a weird dimension, where the past and future coexist at the same time and the present is nowhere to be found. All the old wood dining tables, rubbed clean, with the heavy wood chairs and the antique china cabinets are familiar emblems of my childhood. I was the kid mopping the kitchen floor and being scurried out of the room with a simple “Go play; grown folks in here talkin’.” I haven’t been in a house yet; everywhere I’ve been has been home.
Yet, being a married person is in my future. I’m not married, yet here I am talking with all of these married couples about their married lives and what it takes to make a marriage work. I’m getting inside information on something that can only really be glimpsed, something I can see the shape and outline of on the hazily horizon of the future.
Don’t ask me where this is from (but if it actually is from something, please share), it could have been a dream or something I saw on television in passing, but this image has been stuck in my head of these teenaged girls involved in some program taking a pledge. Part of the pledge was that they wouldn’t treat boyfriends as husbands. It reminded me that I meant to write a post about that. It’s come up on more than one occasion that women (especially Black women) have been treating their men/boyfriends as if they were husbands and being disappointed that they don’t act like husbands/don’t marry them. It’s like the whole cow/milk thing, but deeper. This is going to be a fun post for me (and probably make someone mad at me).
I’ve been thinking a lot about my aunt Jacquie this month. It’s been a little over a year since she passed, yet it’s amazing how many times I’ve mentally included her into things or thought about calling her. I still sometimes assume that I’ll see my stepdad when I go back to Michigan. I wonder if that ever goes away. It’s like they are continuously dying, each time you have to bring yourself up short and tell yourself that they aren’t here any more. How long does it take before it sinks in?
I wrote a remembrance post for my aunt that you can find here if you want to check it out.
I can’t wait to go to Michigan. I’m hoping to be back into running by the time I go back. My hometown is full of rolling hills and was the most fun place ever to run/walk (or at least that’s what I remember ) Let’s all hope I don’t go out there running and get arrested–or shot!
Seriously, I can’t wait to see all of my family and my bestie, MzTrill. I can’t wait to visit the godbabies and get irritated by all my family. I know I’ll be more than ready to get away from some of them by the time the week is over, but I’m excited to see them all right now.
What’s on your mind this Thursday?
- Maybe I’m Not the Marrying Kind (poopinmyhair.wordpress.com)
- Boyfriend pops question via girlfriend’s favourite blog… and records her ecstatic reaction on his webcam (dailymail.co.uk)
- Are Marriages No Longer “Forever” But Instead, “For The Next Few Years?” (hellobeautiful.com)
- The Art of Marriage (thewritelife2.wordpress.com)