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confessionI am not so petal open…I wrote that a long time ago, about how my life was going and how the things that people had done to me and the things that had happened to me had caused me to close in on myself. I guess I was trying to make myself take up as little space as possible, so that I wouldn’t be noticed and singled out for ridicule, so that when people ignored me, I could pretend they didn’t ignore–they just simply didn’t see me. To a large extent, they didn’t. I was like the protagonist in Invisible man, without a home and a name, just a nameless voice weaving a narrative that made folks consider all the nameless faceless masses that they pass by on a daily basis.

I haven’t grown outward much since then. I still feel like I am not ready to be as petal open as I may have been before life happened to me in the peculiar ways that it has, but suffice it to say I want a bigger space for myself than I have up to this point allowed myself to believe that I could inhabit. I want more than to watch other people’s lives, their joys and triumphs. I want triumphs, loves, friends of my own. I want that feeling of acceptance that everyone’s entitled to, that feeling that I matter. So this is my tentative little step in that direction.

For the purposes of this blog, my name is 2Blu2BTru. That name has a couple of meanings. It is part musical, and part authentically me. I happen to like Blu Cantrell, who has a song called “So Blu” that I like. It also refers to Ralph Ellison’s Invisible Man, which I alluded to earlier. In it, his nameless narrator smokes weed one night while listening to Louis Armstrong singing “What did I do to be so Black and Blue?” Indigo Moods, the title of this journal, is actually a jazz song by a great jazz musician, but I’ll let you look him up for yourself. The personal part–well, I am in a sorority whose colors are royal blue and pure white. My favorite color is blue. I love the sight of a blue, cloudless sky. I usually write my poetry, short stories, and novels in blue ink. And yes, sometimes, I do feel like I’m 2Blu.

So, about me: I am a twenty-four year old woman who lives in Florida. I work for an insurance company. I have a boyfriend, whom you’ll probably here referred to as Mr. Perfect or Mr. P.–not because he is perfect, but because he’s perfect for me, and his imperfections make him more perfect for me because it keeps him real to me. I am a Pisces, if that means anything at all to you. I am a Christian woman trying to hold fast to my faith and my beliefs in a world that seems to not have faith in anything, or any values to speak of. In my spare time, I love to read, write, give advice, watch movies, and go online and find out what everyone else in the world does with their time.

Don’t let the lack of detail scare you. I share very little of the vital statistics–name, location, etc., but I don’t have a problem sharing anything else. I am trying this WordPress thing to see if I can actually get comments and ideas about things from you, and to find a few blogs to follow and comment on myself. Hopefully this will be the place for me to figure out a few things, and meet some new people. Feel free to take the journey with me. More later.

2Blu2BTru

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