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CrutchesI’d been trying to remember what was so important about this day all last night when finally I remembered. On this day in 2005, I left Florida and literally flew into a life changing year. Being in Florida that summer had already changed my life. I was used to working nearly everyday, used to working out nearly as often. I took care of myself better and, as a consequence, felt better about myself. I read my Bible each night. I’d cut down all my bills and saved my money for the upcoming year.

I accomplished a lot that year. I had my highest college GPA, I became a Zeta, I met friends I still have, got out more, and started the chain of events that led to my current relationship with Mr. Perfect. I was able to get back in the black with a fee reimbursement. Life was going my way.

As you’ll discover later on, I lost nearly everything in the proceeding year, but today, on the anniversary of such a promising beginning in my life, I am trying to recapture that spirit of hope, of believing in the benefit of hard work and prayer, of having an idea where I was going in the immediate future.

I talk to people who try to motivate me much more than I want them to. All their pushin in directions I don’t want to go used to fire me up, keep me moving towards where I wanted to go. The end of 2006 broke me for a long time, and during that time I began to go where sent, all the time. I was tired; it as easier to follow instructions.

Now that I don’t need that crutch, it’s hard to tell the well-meaning advisors to mind their own business nicely. I created this monster; how do I destroy it when it didn’t ask to be here? Yet I have to.

In the spirt of recapturing that spirit of hope, I have some definite goals:

I have to get my hair better taken care of and healthy.

I will start exercising more often.

No more soda (unnecessary calories).

I must get a thorough checkup after my health insurance starts September 1st.

I must get my new car fixed or replaced.

I have to start keeping this apartment clean.

I will cook at home more often and stop wasting money eating out.

I will get out more and explore my own interests.

I need to get back to my writing.

I guess that’s a good start towards recapturing that spirit. If I manage to do even a fraction of those things, I will at least feel as if I have accomplished something. What I really want to do right now is eat and watch forensic shows on TV or add music to my Ipod, but what I need to do is clean the apartment (not only because it’s a goal, but because they come in to spray tomorrow), wash some clothes and deep condition this hair. Ugh…so begins the journey to a better, more fulfilled me? I’ll let you know tomorrow.