Day 3: Bills paid: 6 Bills to be paid: 3 Gym memberships: 1 Healthy meals: I plead the 5th Publications: 0 Minutes spent writing: 0 Movies watched: 1 (yesterday) Reviews to write: millions. Friendships attended to in some way: 1 Funerals to help plan: 1.
There’s never any time for me to attend to the things I want to accomplish in life for one reason or another. My main focus this weekend, aside from attending to my relationship with my boyfriend, was to prepare for the exciting goals I set forth yesterday. I got a little done to that end. I got some bills paid and signed up for a gym membership. My aunt has been bugging me to come down to A.P. since New Year’s Eve, but the point was for me to have time to get my apartment clean, my clothes all washed, and begin some writing while spending time with Mr. Perfect so that I could feel slightly accomplished and ready to attack my goals with a renewed vigor.
Yesterday morning, my great aunt died. Pink Susie has been up in arms since before then. She spent all of Friday night with her until she died Saturday morning around 7:00 a.m. Of course, despite all of the people who are in A.P., I am the only one who could possibly help with the obituary and getting things together (which has to be done TODAY, even though the funeral is next Saturday). I feel bad for her, because I know that she isn’t getting much help from anyone there, but they’re all fifty plus year old adults who are all right there, who should care enough about their aunt to attend to such things. I have my own life to get together. It’s not as if I am all together and right down the street. It’s four hours roundtrip for me if I just say “Hey” and take off, never leaving my car. And forget whatever else I had planned for today (art shows, gym, church). None of that matters at all; in fact, it doesn’t exist. What exists is their need for me to do all the things that other people should be doing. This, of course, is nothing new or exciting. I did all of the managerial things my aunt Faith was supposed to be doing when she became group home manager. I did monthly paperwork, policy and procedures, activities calendars, menus, work schedules, etc. It always falls to me to pick up other people’s slack; a new year hasn’t changed that.
I spent time with a friend yesterday. I finally remembered that she is a jelly fisher, one of those people who specializes in making stinging comments on everything from your appearance (I don’t have a problem with facial hair, so I don’t have to get waxing) to weight (ooh, you have a little belly! Where did that come from?) to your boyfriend’s appearance (your head is big. I just thought I’d let you know.). She gets in barbs whenever she can. May be on the drop list.
Anyway, we watched Paranormal Activity with her. The only thing that would have made this movie remotely scary is if it were truly footage of some otherwordly forces; if the demonic forces didn’t possess the woman, but rather attacked both of them (ON CAMERA); if the people had logical reactions, and; if there were more occurrences of the supernatural and less talking. More than four characters (not counting the demon) would have helped as well. I don’t have much positive to say about it. It wasn’t scary, it wasn’t suspenseful, and it wasn’t true to any normal human reactions that I’ve ever witnessed.
Now, for the title of this entry. I am going to church this morning, and supplication is a prayer. It is a humble prayer, a petition. In the secular sense (and, in my opinion, in the spiritual) “the key meaning (of supplication) is of a request by the lesser person in an acknowledged unequal relationship.” My silent supplication, then, is for a bit of forebearance, patience, and understanding. For some discernment. To not be angry that when so many others should, I am the one to whom it falls to get it done. To see why it is for me to be sidetracked so early in my journey. To make a sort of sense that I can deal with out of this. Hopefully church will put me in the right spirit to approach the rest of my day as a tribute to someone I loved and lost and not as an unfair summons and distraction, necessitated by others not willing to do what they should. Because my own brainpower has not wrought the desired result.