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I know I owe you a ton of things, and I made a deal with myself to get them done, along with a million other things, before my birthday, but I have been having a mini crisis in regards to said birthday and a pervasive I don’t give a good curse word attitude in all things related to goals/resolutions/self improvement, etc. Aside from the fact that the year is no longer shiny and new, I decided the beginning is a positioning phase, that my birthday will be the start of the real work. In consequence, my mind/body seem perfectly content with mediocrity this last week before then. I am waiting until the day after said birthday to weigh myself. That’s scary. I am making doctor and dental appointments before my birthday. That’s scarier. I haven’t been anywhere but on campus when I had brochitis and was half dead since I was sixteen. I haven’t been to the gynecologist. What if I have cysts on my ovaries? What if I’m destined to be childless or have a weird lung disease or am anaemic or my body fat is over 20%?

The Clean Up Woman is out. Those tickets were too much by themselves right now, not including dinner or anything else. I have no special desires or urges of things to do for my birthday this year.

I read the John Mayer playboy issue. Whatever. The man has never been any different than he is. I get his attitude, and Kanye West’s. I don’t agree, but I understand. When everyone tells you that you can’t, that “forget you I know I’m great” cockiness propels you to be famous. The only thing is, how do you come back to Earth when everyone all of a sudden agrees with you and gives you praise? Especially when life continues and you realize it’s still not enough. That’s not all you are. People try to use you as a meal ticket. You have nearly no true friends or people you can trust. Now, John Mayer’s “peeps” has never interested me. If his peeps has a whites only sign, hey, whatever. You aren’t the nicest person or someone I would want to date and I appreciate you leaving sistahs like me alone. We have enough men who are full of it and feeling themselves a little too much running around after Black women without him. But Continuum is still a fantastic album.

Tiger Woods is speaking out tomorrow. I must admit I am curious. I always wanted him to say something. Whether he really apologizes sincerely or to save his family/caree/image, whether this is just because he’s felt it in his pockets, or whether it’s because he just has to say something so he can get back to playing golf, he needs to address it, if for no other reason than to say screw you all, I’m a grown man and don’t owe you anything. It’s the same issue I took withRihanna and Chris Brown. You have to speak sometime, and if addressing wrongs to your character won’t make you, threats to your livelihood will. I will probably have to youtube it, but will give you my “expert” opinion.

Well, work calls.