What do you consider cheating, and is that what your partner considers cheating? Most people I know (myself included) usually just assume that the other person agrees with their definition of cheating, as if there is a universally agreed upon definition, when there really isn’t. Some people don’t view sex with another person while they are married to someone else as cheating if their spouse knows about it. Some people think looking at someone else with lust is cheating. There aren’t any specific acts that everyone agrees constitute cheating or being unfaithful.
This was brought to my attention watching Unfaithful on Discovery. The subjects of the show were in a pretty straightforward case, but for another entry. The commercial for the series sparked a discussion that was interesting to say the least.
It’s usually easy to effectively relate what Mr. Perfect’s position on a subject to be. He states things very clearly, or I know the answer ahead of time. But when someone, anyone, says something you were not only not exxpected but are intinsically opposed to, you lose the exact meaning and qualifiers while composing a counterargument, are in shock, or are restraining yourself so they can finish their sentiment and not fully paying attention to what they are saying. In any case I am not as confident as usual in my recall of his exact views. Before my blaackout, I did manage to assimilate the impression that pretty much unless you are married, you have no obligations or claims beyond what you choose to do and what the other person chooses to allow, so you cannot cheat on that person as you have no real commitment/contract. He wouldn’t do it, cheating or not, but he doesn’t consider it being unfaithful because there is nothing to be unfaithful to. Well, that’s what I heard, but as I said, I got fuzzy after not considered cheating.
I must admit, I was shocked. I asked him if he could cheat on me, then? Wouldn’t be cheating, he says. No formal commitment. No contract.
In my opinion, if a relationship has been pronounced exclusive and monogamous, there can be cheating. Cheating is a breach of trust,. No matter what specific actions you think are cheating, it is because you trusted someone not to do something and they did it knowing you wouldn’t approve. Whether or not you have a right to be angry legally doesn’t matter. If Mr. P. cheated, I can’t take him to court, but he still cheated. I trusted him not to do A, expressed I didn’t like him doing A if we werre going to be in an exclusive relationship, he agreed not to do A. If he does A, he cheated. Period. What do I consider cheating? If you can’t do it in front of me without getting cut, cursed out, or, if I can keep from sinning. ending our relationship, it’s cheating, lol. Seriously, if you are emotionally connecting to awoman in a romantic way, or being physically intimate–touching sexually, kissing, sex or any kind. Phone sex counts too, as well as cyber sex.
It may be worse to cheat on a …spouse because you have a legally and spiritually binding contract, but having trust betrayed hurts the same in both cases. (P.S. Stupid phone!) Your thoughts?