I heard this topic on the radio a few days ago and was supposed to write a blog post giving my list of things I think couples should never ever do, but I got sidetracked in a variety of ways that will be for other entries. These are kind of serious ones, but I would love some funny ones (or more serious ones), or even some (respectful) disagreements. I’m by no means an expert on relationships, but here’s my list of things that people in relationshps should never ever do (part 1):
1. Agree to do something you hate & they love. I don’t mean those things you don’t like but never tried or don’t know why you dislike them–I mean things you really hate. Why? Because you’ll just complain about how messed up A turned out, how you didn’t want to do A anyway, and bring it up every single time he/she decides not to do something you love & they hate. Whether you really HATE mountain climbing or parcheesi, just abstain respectfully and save injury and strain on the relationship. Find something you both like for things to do together.
2. Give up individual pursuits/spend all your time together: No, no no! On so many levels, no! Number 1 is the smother factor. If you smother a flame, do you know what happens? It goes out. Number 2, you are still your own person. It’s healthy to have interests outside of snuggling with your boobie or snickerdoodle. I blog. I work on my novel or other writings. I sing in my living room or watch Bones. I read. Mr. Perfect loves to lift weights for hours on end. It’s not my thing, but he doesn’t get what’s so fun about blogging either.
3. Have Nothing in Common: Opposites do attract, but it doesn’t mean the attraction is strong enough to keep you together. If you are conflicting in some things you consider central to how you live your life, it won’t work. Some opposites are complementary, while some are each other’s antithesis. I can’t be with an atheist or a person who doesn’t believe in good personal hygiene; both are an integral part of my life, parts where an opposite is not sought or welcomed.
4. Believe sorry is unnecessary: Contrary to the popular phrase, love does mean having to say you’re sorry–when you truly are. Nothing kills relationships faster than someone who can’t admit when they’re wrong and make amends. When you step on someone’s foot, you apologize; how much more necessary is an apology when you step on your partner’s emotional feet.
5. Speak out of anger–the longer you are with someone, the more buttons you know to push for maximum pain. A lot of the damage our mouths do cannot be undone.
6. Tell your family/friends everything: we either only share all the good or all the bad, then expect our loved ones to have a balanced, impartial view of our relationships. Or, worse, we tell them everything, which can seem like an invitation to come manage your relationship. If you’ve ever seen Deliver Us From Eva or Two Can Play That Game, or any romantic comedy with a gaggle of female friends, sisters, older brothers, or others giving people advice, you’ve seen how this can get out of hand. It gets even more so in real life. Your relationship can become nothing more than a game of strategy to them, or worse, a reality TV show. Even those who mean well mostly just get in the way. There are some things that only you and your partner should know about in your relationship. Zip those lips!
7. Ask questions you don’t want the answer to: Most men cannot tell what questions these are. It only gets your feelings hurt, or forces them to lie. You know if your butt looks big in those pants, or if your butt really IS big, and no matter what is said, you aren’t satisfied. Rhetorical questions can also be lost on your significant other, especially if they are a Mr. Fix It, or Mr. Logical Answer to Everything. Your friends get it; do this with them.
8. Force intimacy through sex. If you don’t know anything about him, or don’t like him, don’t sleep with him. Don’t sleep with him too soon either. I have too many friends who’ve wasted years on no account men because of good sex and nothing else. I don’t believe in pre-marital sex anyway, but if you just have to get it on, it should intimacy expression,not the forging of intimacy in your Queen sized bed.
9. Constantly reference previous relationships in a comparative manner: I don’t want to know you’ve dated people you think are better looking, or were skinnier, or made more money, or had more hair, or spoke eighteen languages, or chain smoked in spin class. If they were better, why are you with me? If they were worse, just be happy you have me. If you are always putting them down, what would you say about me should we part?
Major takeaways: Two people should not form a whole; they should be two wholes who love and respect each other enough to go through life together. You should be able to function without “your other half.” Also, loose lips sink (relation) ships! Be careful with your words.
Now it’s your turn. I told you mine, now tell me yours. 😀