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I never finish anything these days. I’m completely lacking in “sticktoitiveness.” I get such a boost fro starting things, such a drive and ambition, but the longer it takes to complete, the less likely I am to finish it until I HAVE to.

I recently noticed my tendency to not finish things in life and in writing first with my blog, then with my apartment. At the beginning of the year, I set the goal to blog everyday. For the month of January, I was excited, placing journals strategically so I could jot down any good bolt from the blue ideas or details of my day. Slowly but surely, as I came to see how boring my life could be, how hard I would have to look for inspiration some days, I began missing days, then shelved the goal for another time.

The same loss of zeal occured with cleaning/organizing my apartment. My bathroom & closet are immaculate, pristine, each the first area of two separate cleaning missions that I attempted to complete. I felt determined to tackle my apartment, but both times, I only got through one area before that determination left me. I would feel a sense of  accomplishment when I got each room done, but it wouldn’t sustain me through the next one.

This is the opposite of my problem with going to the gym/working out. In all areas of my life outsid of fitness, I’m a great starter, but I can fizzle out quickly. Setbacks used to challenge me, make me that much more determined to finish strong, to succed; now, I just surrender. I’m like a boxer that has been hit one too many times to get back up, no matter how badly I want to. I hear the counting, I try to push off the mat with my arms, but I can’t stand. I’m bloody and bowed, ashamed I can’t seem to get back in the fight.

I’m struggling to fiugre out how to reignite my drive, my (healthy) competitive streak, my determination and perserverance. I had to rely on it so heavily to get here. I’m all tapped out, it seems. I’ve powered through a year off from college (financial reasons), working three jobs with few full days off, relocation, joblessness, near homelessness, the loss of many supporting relationships, dissatisfaction with my body, an uncertain temp job, a car accident, and the death of my stepfather. Now I struggle to get out of bed and to work on time, to pick up clothes, even to do things I actually love, like blogging.

Where and how do I refuel my tanks? How do I afford to when gas prices are up and regular unleaded just won’t do? I feel I am running on fumes, motivation-wise.

Give me your best motivational wisdom, because I need it!

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