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Mr. Pefect & I had a misunderstanding over Insanity. I have been trying to find my fitness passion, if such a thing exists for me, and Mr. P. thought getting a copy of Insanity was a great idea.

I’d seen commercials for Insanity, and it looks, well, insane. It’s high intensity cardio designed to obliterate fat, to incinerate it, if you will. While I don’t know what my fitness passion is, I will tell you what I do know: breathing has to be an integral part of the exercise (see also: yoga, running, weight bearing exercises)–I have to be able to move with the breath; I have to be able to mentally go elsewhere, find my center where I am able to push through the pain by thinking through my problems, clearing the clutter from my head; lastly, there should be built in recovery time and movements (when you’re biking, for example, you can stop pedaling & coast for a few beats; in yoga, you can mountain pose or child’s pose it out). These are important, as I have EIA (Exercise Induced Asthma), and used to have a heart murmur…or do still…been a while since my last cardiology appointment).

Insanity is all cario, with a “breathe when you can” pace. Shawn T tells you to “be present” with the movement (no to do list checking here–and no head clearing either). There seems to be little in the way of recovery movements, the only one I witnessed being shake it out. That’s just the fit test mind you.

Mr. Perfect knew none of this when he suggested it (not for the first time). His coworker has lost a lot of wight doing it, and I want to lose leight, 2+2=4, etc.

The things is, as talking to Receptionist Chick (who needs a blog name) helped me articulate, I want to find somthing that gives me more than physical results. As Jay, the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders’ trainer, says, “success breeds success and success breeds complacency;” or, as Mr. Perfect & I extracted from this ambiguity, early success sets up success (meeting smaller weight loss goals helps push you to reach your ultimate weight loss goal), and that success leads to complacency. I don’t want to reach my weight loss goal & never workout again until I’m fat again, which is why it has to be something I enjoy and can make into a lifestyle change.

My runner friends talk pace, mi/min., somthing about turnover/footfall blah blah blah, routes, upcoming races; my tennis friends talk services games, one & two handed backhands, top spin. My weightlifter friends talk flexion & extension, supplements, protein, hydration. But they all talk about their physical activities–not complain, or make excuses why they didn’t go running of lift today. It’s never too hot or too cold, not dependent on who else is going or doing it. They just do it because it’s what they do, what they like, what they’re invested in.

I know I won’t feel as complely enamored with any physical activity as I do with writing, but I can find a little corner of my heart for that one special thing.

I’m not completely throwing Insanity away in the meantime. Shawn T. did tug a smile o two out of me during the fit test, and I love that the participants were also struggling through it (makes it more real, despite thier near perfect bodies), and it does present a challenge. I usually respond well to those. We’ll see.

My irritation was not with Shaw T. or Mr. P.’ they were only trying to help. Not know what it takes to make me happy fitness-wise is the irritation. It’s not kinowing a part of myself anymore that I used to be sure about that has me irritable.

In other health goal related news, I made my dental appointment for next month. Go me! I still have to make a doctor’s appointment and a gynecological appointment (yikes!) but I’ve made progress.