Found a new blog I love love love! It’s called The Black Couple. The couple, Kelli & Derrick, each post blogs about relationships & love between two Black people. Black love is indeed not dead, and wanting to be an example of Black love is beautiful. So read them, follow them, & love them with me 😀
Reading their recent posts (his & hers) about “the question” (when are you two getting married?) hit home especially, because I get asked that all the time in various ways (“When are you to going to make it official?” “He ain’t proposed yet? What is he waiting for?” “When are you and your handsome man getting married?” “Girl, just tell me what color the bridesmaid’s dress is going to be–keep in mind, I look great in sea green and pastels.”). Not only that, there are the assumers–people assume we live together (when I am CLEARLY the only one paying my rent), sleep together (nope…it ain’t easy, but it’s right), or that we are practically married anyway (no such thing).
Sometimes you get tired of saying the politically correct thing and want to tell people to mind their own business. Sometimes you want to turn to your Mr. Perfect with the question face too, like, exactly what I was thinking. Sometimes, you just want to keep working on yourself and your relationship without so many people putting their hands in.
Relationships are like heads and kitchens–you can’t have too many hands in their working. Too many cooks spoil the pot; too many hands in your head is bad luck (and can lead to some hair nightmares). I’ve had an experience or two with too many hands in my situation, and I had to slap them back like bad children reaching in the cookie jar before dinner. I have to protect & nurse my young relationship so it continues to grow strong.
Every year Pink Susie has to do Hurricane Preparedness for the group homes she owns. The state requires that you have a book with evacuation routes & shelters. You have to have so much in cash on hand per person, so much water on hand per person. You have to have up to seven days worth non-perishable foods and a back up generator. You have to take stock of all the food, propane, water, money, and routes/shelters each year and fill in any holes before hurricane season.
Marriage is a hurricane that requires preparation. In the world according to 2blu & God, there are no evacuation routes in marriage, and few shelters. You have to go into your season of marriage fully prepared to batten down the hatches and ride out the storm. Too little preparation, and you might not make it.
And the same time, you aren’t going to be living the rest of your life in the storm. You don’t need to wait until you have two years’ worth of supplies to declare yourself ready for the storm. You miss out on good opportunities (and good people) that way. It’s all about a healthy balance and knowing the difference between wants & needs. You don’t completely brush your wants aside, but you keep it in perspective.
I want to have my loans paid off and be making a certain amount of money before I get married. I have about eight years of loan payments left, and am nowhere near the amount of money I want to make. Does that mean I’m commited to waiting another eight years before I get married? NO! I’m twenty five (girls –and boys–yes!) and I would like to have a family before I’m too old to run after a child, my body is too old to recover, or my risk for having a special needs child that I will get too old to care for too fast goes beyond what I”m willing to take. I also need a few years between I do and diapers. I don’t have eight years left to have great credit and no debt before I get married. Being financially fit & prepared, being realistic is one thing; stalling yourself out & being in your own way is another.
As a recent movie I saw stated, the wedding is for the family, the wedding is for us. After you actually get married, no one really cares anymore, except to wonder when you are going to have a baby. Outside people are in life for the highlight reel: you & your spouse have to be in it for the entire match, game, series…season. Make sure you have your marriage preparedness kit ready before the marriage season comes.
I’ll tell you what’s in the kit another day (after some heart to heart conversations with all the expert married folks I know!)