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Oh, I know some of you are going to tear into this discussion. I really don’t have to do more than say “gender roles” to get some people up in arms, waving feminist flags (or burning bras), spouting chauvinist sayings, or trending changing family dynamics. But before you burn, trend, spout, or wave, please, by all means, read.

The same night the Stevenses were on the Monique show talking about tantric sex & open relationships, they spoke about the four gender roles for each sex, and the importance of “knowing your role” & “playing your position.”

I am familiar with the concept. You don’t need to have two quarterbacks on the field for one team. Each team has one goalie in soccer & hockey. Some play defense and some play offense. It’s very important to know what your position is supposed to do and what your position is responsible for.

Ladies, we all have shoes in our closets that are for different things. You don’t wear your going out heels to the gym or your gym shoes to work (unless you’re very lucky, or take them off once you sit at your desk). Some things in our closets have more than one role, but they all have roles. So you can see how it is important to know the role of a bathing suit versus a raincoat or winter coat versus a tank top.

Are roles in relationships that rigid? Who decides who gets what role? Why should I have to do A, B, & C? Could people’s incomplete understanding of Gender Roles keep them single, get them divorced, and be in the way of healthy relationships? Is the independent Woman Complex killing our relationships?

If we can all agree to the one quarterback/ one goalie per team on the field theory, the a bathing suit and a raincoat are not interchangeable theory, why can’t people agree to this concept in relationships? When we are playing the game of life, our spouses or significant others (but esp. spouses) are our teammates. We are on the same team! That’s the excellent part. The not so excellent part is we are individuals and sometimes we both think we deserve the same position. Everyone may want to lead. It makes sense; you lead your life before you ever knew your partner existed. But just like you have only one head and one mouth, there can only be one leader. And every team needs a leader.

The biggest impediment to establishing roles is trust. I don’t trust you to do it like I would like it done. I don’t trust you not to forget to do it. I don’t trust you to make the right decision for both of us & not just you. I can’t say I will obey you because I don’t trust that whatever you ask will be something I both can do & agree is the best thing to do. I don’t trust you can do what I ask. I don’t trust you not to go against what we agreed to & “do you.”

There’s also communication. Do you agree on what the words used to describe your role mean? Is submission to him brainless devotion & no opinions? Is provider to her someone who works so I can shop, go to the spa, & spend money without working? To Be Cont’d…