I shared some basic information in part I about open marriages/relationships and posed some questions. I want to thank everyone who answered for their opinions and insights. Don’t be shy about continuing to respond! I think it’s only fair for me to actually share my views on why open marriage is not for me. So…
I believe that there is no way for me to romantically love & be committed/connected to more than one person if it’s being done right. You are learning another person & attempting to be one with them. I’ve been learning me for twenty-five years, and I am just now beginning to fully know, love & accept all of me; how much more time then will be needed to learn another. Learning to be a helpmate to your man takes time & effort. As much of a multi-tasker as I am, I canconcede some things require my full attention.
Many folks brought out the point that one person alone doesn’t fulfill all they want in a man. I’m sure we have all wished we could combine two men into the perfect guy; I submit to you that while you are juggling them, God has your perfect combination out there wondering why he can’t find you. But maybe it’s more that people no longer want to be committed to making it work. When it’s no longer easy, when I’m not happy right now, I no longer want to stay.
I’m convinced most people have no clue what they really want in a mate at the outset anyway. Oh, we know what we don’t want, but usually, until we find what we do want, it’s not as concrete a list as we’d like to think. We have vague, broad notions–he will like to cook, she will be into sports, etc. I pray for God to show me what I need & require in a man who will be an asset & an encuragement in the life I live for Him (the Lord).
We have secondary relationships with friends and family as well with whom we share a different sort of intimacy, a different kind of love. We are, indeed, to love all people, not with our bodies, but with our hearts.
My focus should be on loving & supporting my one husband as God commands & trusting that the man I agreed to marry will love me as God commanded him. As I wrote in my gender roles post, we have issues doing this sometimes because we don’t trust him/her to know how to love us fully, we don’t have to get any needs met elsewhere. That’s a personal issue. After all, you chose to be with this person. Why be so unsure in your decision? If I can’t stand before God and say I will obey you and forsaking all others, I’m not marrying you just because you asked.
Some people have said open marriages/ relationships are a rejection of possession. People aren’t possessions. But what aabout self-possessin? What about taking hold of yourself & telling yourself what you will & will not do? It’s about being self-possessed enough to keep your word. I made a contract with you, and I will bring my body into submission to honor it.Besides, we do belong to each other. Marriage is saying I choose you to share my life. We cae for what is ours . TBCont’d..