I haven’t felt motivated to write a Monday Meditation/Motivation in a while, but as I was sitting at work, I just had this on my mind. It’s nothing uber philosophical and profound, but hopefully it motivates you a little bit.
Today is the first day back to school for Orange County schools as well as the university. I remember my last first day of school. I had spent over a year preparing for that moment. After working constantly for over a year, clawing my way back from the brink–of giving up, of saying forget it & never finishing, of having to check “Some College” on every application for the rest of my days–I was calm, prepared. I felt myself moving in a weird binary–I was in new-familiar.
I have been pursuing newfamiliar for a while now, as well as the genuinely new, positive, and forward moving. But mostly I’ve fallen back, been drug back–and now I feel driven to the brink again. I’ve been pushed back by fear and perceived lack–money, motivation, abilitiy, worthiness. I get so mired in worry, I don’t even keep up with the things I should be able to keep up with. I’ve splintered instead of keeping a singular focus.
But today is a day that’s a fresh start. People all over the city are starting a new year right now, meeting new people, being given new material to learn, a new plan of action. For some this is the beginning of the end of a phase of their lives. Ther’s enthusiasm & rededication in the air.
As the new year came in, I had a myriad list of things to accomplish before 2011. Over the past several months, I’ve had many setbacks, but I’ve also had many successes. Just because I’m not where I planned to be by now doesn’t mean I can have an emotional tantrum & knock down all the progress I’ve made or rip up this chapter in my life; what I can do is build on my successes, start a new chapter.
David says in Psalms 27 “one thing I have desired of the Lord, that will I seek after…” (Psalms 27:4). The thing he asked God for was also what he was actively pursuing. I for one am guilty of asking God for things and…waiting. It’s time to seek after, to make preparation and steps towards what I want.
While I sat in my apartment before that last first day, I remembered coming back to Flroida. I hadn’t withdrawn properly from the university I attended in Michigan, nor had I applied to any schools here. I had no idea how to establish residency. I was too weary to tell people I knew what I was doing and I didn’t want their opinions. I didn’t have much heart or fight left, but the little I did have wanted that degree, and it didn’t matter where it was, I would get it. I prayed–a LOT. But I also researched schools, found out residency requirements and fulfilled them, and positioned myself to be able to sit on a bed in Orland Florida for my last first day of undergrad.
If your life hasn’t lived up to what you had in mind, let today be your first day of going in the reigh direction, as it is for me. and so many others. Pray without ceasing, but also ceaselessly seek after what you are asking God for. Don’t be afraid to step out on a limb and reach for the fruit. If you managed to get that far, there’s no use not to cross the finish line. Let’s all stay encouraged and uplifted–and in active pursuit of our dreams!