Chris Rock is one of my favorite comedians of all time. In one of his taped shows, Never Scared, he has a bit that he does about people and relationships. He says that you can only be “married & bored or single & lonely…ain’t no happiness for you nowhere.” As a lady at my church is fond of saying, “it’s funny but it’s true–to a degree.
There cvomes a point in life where people get tired of playing musical partners, of getting dressed up to go to the same old places to see the same old people. It’s like time has stopped and everyone is suspended in motion–he’s forever trying to buy all the “hot young things” a drink; she is forever standing against the wall, all dolled up, waiting for a guy unlike the rest to speak to her. We get tired of shallow, meaningless connections and begin to wonder, is this all there is? Coming home to the same person day after day seems like Heaven. Not having to tell those same stories because this person knows them already would be Nirvana. It is not good for man to be alone, God said, so he made woman, right? Just one. As Tyrese sings, “I’mma be straight just one girl…that’s all I need.” You go from being merely alone, to being lonely, depressed…desperate.
On the other side, people who are already married can make marriage look like torment. All they seem to ever tell anybody is what their mate used to do or be that they no longer do or are. The men are always telling younger men not to get married because she’ll get fat & won’t cook anymore and will stop sleeping with you. The married women tell their unmarried friends that he never pays her attention and she can’t get him to do anything. Nobody has time to hang out with their friends unless they are other marrieds. You settle into a routine and get a little bored…or a lot bored. You become dissatisfied as those things you never really liked (and sometimes willfully ignored) seem to take up more and more of your partner’s personality. You can predict everything that’s going to cross your partner’s mind–what they want for dinner, what they will want to watch on TV, what color underwear they have on. Familiarity starts to breed contempt.
I talked about the importance of being single, and the marriage kit interviews will tell all I find out from marrieds about being married, but what about this aspect of the issue? Are you married & bored? Single & lonely? Why or why not? What advice could you to give singles to encourage them not to be lonely, or to marrieds to spice things up?
- Why Did You Get Married? (psychologytoday.com)
- Why Having Relationships Matter Part II â Love and Your Health (lifescript.com)