Oftentimes, I get so caught up in us that I can push me right out of the picture. I am thinking about what we can do this weekend, what I should get us for dinner, whether or not he has anything to eat, how I can help/support him, how I can encourage him. I’m sure it’s the same way for him. He worries about how I will get to work when my car is down (like this week), whether or not I talked to my boss about a possible promotion, whether or not I have something to eat. When you are in a relationship, it’s natural to consider the other person and what they may like to do or what may be better for them. It’s easy to lose yourself in the relationship.
I finally washed my hair yesterday. I hadn’t gotten around to it in longer than I want to admit. I used to wash my hair on Saturday mornings each week, spending a couple hours washing, deep conditioning, possibly putting on a protein treatment, blowdrying, and flat ironing. I would wear a face mask, paint my toes, go get my eyebrows waxed–whatever little beauty thing I wanted too see to. I would read Harlequin romance novels after work or watch a movie while cooking dinner. I worked on my writing. I downloaded music. I made time to pursue all those little things that kept me sane and feeling confident.
It seems that lately, amidst all the stresses of everyday life, I need those little things more than ever. The thing is, I kept pushing off doing them in favor of trying to relieve Mr. Perfect’s stress, to cheer him, encourage him, love him. It occurred to me that I had gone missing.
It wasn’t his fault that I wasn’t making time for myself, anymore that it’s my fault when he doesn’t make time for himself. It’s in my nature to give to other people at the expense of having for myself. I want to give my relationships my all, but then there’s nothing left for me.
It took me a while to realize that by taking time for me could only help my relationships. Bringing my best self to the table makes us better. When I care for myself, I can better care for others. I can’t expect other people to be better to me than I’m willing to be to myself. If I want to be content and happy, I have to keep myself healthy & reduce my stress.
My car appears to be fixed (fingers crossed). I will finally have the opportunity to go to a class at the gym. I will be able to decide how long I spend at the gym. I will be able to have some say in when I get home from work. I will be able to look at apartments closer to my job and decide what’s the best place for me to live.
I love Mr. Perfect. I love when Mr. Perfect comes over early in the morning and spends the day with me, or goes for dinner with me after work. I love when Mr. Perfect & I get to spend time together. But I can appreciate it better when I’ve had time with myself, investing in myself & my health. I enjoy going out with him a lot more when I feel like I look my best. I can relax and enjoy being out in the sunshine when I know I’ve washed all my clothes & am ready for the work week. I enjoy cooking us dinner in my kitchen when the counters & dishes are clean. There’s nothing wrong with taking time for me.
What about you? Do you ever have a problem balancing commitments/relationships with taking time for yourself? Do you feel better after having some time to yourself? What do you do when you have me time? How does your me time enhance or detract from your relationship?