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A Ketubah in Aramaic, a Jewish marriage-contra...

Image via Wikipedia A Ketubah in Aramaic, a Jewish marriage-contract that outlines the duties of each partner

It’s finally Friday! If any of you have been having a week like the week I’ve been having, you are as happy as I am to hear that. If you’ve had a hard week, take a moment and breathe…ahh.

New blog alert: I have a new blog, all about writing and books. It’s called Copywrite1985. If you like writing, books, or just want to support, click the link and leave me some love!

I’m getting ready to move next weekend, and moving is always a source of stress, anticipation, and excitement. I still have so much to do, but I couldn’t explain how excited I am to be able to make a fresh start.

When I got to work today, among the topics of conversation was moving in together before marriage. My coworker was saying how she “did everything right” with her ex-husband, including not moving in together until they were married. She said that was a mistake that she regrets. She should have moved in with him, because then she would have known (I’m guessing she meant she would have known it wouldn’t work).

As you know if you read my blog, I am anti-cohabitation, for religious reasons AND practical reasons. I’ve never given my practical reasons, to the best of my knowledge, so I’m going to take this opportunity to tell you why my coworker is wrong   I don’t believe cohabitation is necessary.

The religious thing is self-explanatory. I try to live my life by the Book–the Bible, that is. I don’t ignore parts that I don’t like or that it would “make my life easier” to ignore. I would love to have someone to split my monthly expenses with, someone to come home to, someone to put my cold feet on in the middle of the night and make jump like a startled cat; it sounds lovely. Someday, I will have that. I can’t pretend like the Bible doesn’t clearly say no fornication just because I have hormones that go crazy, or I feel I’m “in love,” any more than I can lie to avoid trouble or speed because I’m late (yes, that’s in the Bible). I don’t meet every command every day, but I’m improving. There’s no reason to blatantly disregard one command day after day and still profess to believe, following only what I agree with. If it were that easy, everyone would do it.

If you aren’t religious, or the benefits seem to outweigh the considerations, I offer you the following cautions:

  • Leases: If you are renting, whose name will be on the lease? If you break up, will you be able to get a place of your own, or will you be stuck staying there after the break up because you are both on the lease? How awkward is sitting at the breakfast table with him and the new girlfriend/one night stand?
  • Buying: See above. Plus, if you decide to sell, further contact with the individual.
  • Since there aren’t any real legal ties to one another, mediating who keeps what could get tricky.
  • What if they get mad and leave without paying their half of the bills?
  • What about all of that stuff you got rid of that you really liked?

After seeing many friends move in with friends or family after it fell through, hearing horror stories of being stuck in a house with your ex until the lease (with both your names on it) is up, and hearing of one woman being put out and left to fend for herself in a state where she had no family and nowhere to go, I don’t think it’s a wise choice for me. Besides, as long as I’m not Mrs., I need somewhere to go if you work my nerves and I choose not to deal with you anymore at present. I want to keep my comfortable, familiar stuff as long as possible. I want the remote to be where I left it and no draws on my floor. I want it to smell like flowers and cookies and sunshine all through my house, without a hint of Old Spice or sandalwood.

I can’t live with someone, just to see if it will work out. If I’m not sure, I’m not moving in, and if I were sure, well, we’d be married.

Any ticks, character flaws, and shortcomings will come to the light through dating, if you want to see them, without having to live together. I see no reason to bind myself to anyone in any way unless the commitment has been made. No easy exits. Why work on it if you can just leave? This applies to marriage in my mind too, but that is for another day.

Back to moving. Who moved all this junk into my apartment? How did my belongings just metastasize like this? Beyond finding I have a ton of unnecessary stuff, I’ve found I have multiples. Things I considered gone for good and bought another one of–yeah, now I have two or three. Tweezers, toe nail clippers, nail files, and razors everywhere.  It seems I missed the last two spring cleanings.

Feel free to yell at me explain why I’m wrong why you think cohabitation is the bee’s knees. Did you cahabitate? Did cohabitation save your life? Do you wish you’d never done? Wish you did? Have you heard horror stories or success stories you want to share? Let me know!