If you missed part I, you can find it here.
What are some of the challenges of being married? Sis Lincoln: You can’t always have it your way. It’s definitely a give and take situation; you can’t always have it your way. Bro. Lincoln: You gone disagree. Definitely, that’s gone definitely in a relationship, I don’t care if you’re married or not. You’re not going to get alone every time. And the only way we are going to solve it is to sit down and talk about it. Same thing about your children. You may disagree on what to put em on today. I might say put them on this she might say put em on that. Or I might be babysitting and she might come home and say “why my baby have on this and blah blah blah; that’s what I wanted to put on her. You wasn’t here; I was here. We gon’ work together on taking care of these kids. Sis. Lincoln: When you come from different upbringings, you’re bringing in …when you get married, I’m bringing in my upbringing, he’s bringing in his upbringing, and for years now we’ve argued about when the children should open they Christmas gifts. Crazy stuff like that. Because they open theirs on Christmas Eve, but to me you open Christmas [gifts] Christmas day. So it’s compromise. I mean, we had some hard down fights Bro. Lincoln: over Christmas gifts. And it’s not just over Christmas gifts. It’s birthday
parties—when to have them, how to have them, where to have them, cars as they
get older, how to chastise them, how not to chastise them. She might want it
one way and I might want it one way, but it’s still OUR child. I might chastise
them hard; she might want me to chastise them softly. I might not want that.
But as long as the kid get to understand what we mean.
The two of you, when y’all (random aside: yes, I’m that country) make decisions, whether about the kids or whatever, how do you guys keep the united front in front of them, even when you kinda lost, or y’all agreed to go a way that you didn’t want to go? How do you keep the kids from knowing? Instead of being like “well, your dad said this, and I wanted to do this, but you gotta do what he said, I guess.” Bro. Lincoln:
Well, with my daughter, she used to play musical chairs with us. Sis Lincoln: Play us one against theother. Bro. Lincoln: yeah, and it worked for a while, until we started sitting down and communicating more, better. If she asks me, I’mma say, what yo mama say? If she asks her mama, her mama’s going to say, what I said. Sis Lincoln: for me, if we had to agree to disagree, and it was like ok, we just gon go
along with him to keep the peace, I’ll let him give the law. I’ll be quiet and let him say, “well, you can’t do this” you know, even though I don’t agree with it. So that’s how I deal with it. If we just can’t agree and he says well this is the way it’s going to be, well you tell them this is the way it’s going to be.
Well, what if you disagree and he “gives the law” and they sneak back up to you like “mama, that ain’t right?” Sis Lincoln: What did your daddy say? Do what your daddy said.
And you let it go? I mean, you don’t go back and try to…
Sis. Lincoln: I have, I have. I mean right now we’re in my daughter’s car, and I wish he would have given it back to her, but he said no. So, dad said you can’t have it, so you can’t have it.
How did you get to the point where you were able to let him have the final say? Sis Lincoln: Girl, it’s not always that easy, that’s what I’m saying, that compromise thing, it’s not always that easy, 2blu! It’s just like, sometimes you got to pick your battles, you know what I’m saying? And you learn how to pick your battles. If it’s her car or me and him…she was wrong, so…you just learn to pick your
battles. And some things you just never agree on, even Christmas thing. It got to a point where it was like, “you buy your Christmas gift, I’ll buy my Christmas gift, she open your gifts with you on Christmas Eve, but my gifts she don’t touch til Christmas day.
So if you had to give advice…let’s say, I’m engaged, I’m getting married and this is your last time to give me advice, what would you say to me about being married? Sis Lincoln: Marriage is not something you should take lightly. It’s not always the glitz and the glam that you see on TV. Marriage is very trying…very, very trying; but marriage is also worth it. It’s worth the work that you’re going to have to put in there. It’s not going to be easy, but it’s going to be well worth it in the end. Bro. Lincoln: Know your partner before you do that. Some people get married in a month; some people get married in two months. I would say get to know that person; give it a year before you say yes to this man or this woman. Get to know them personally, physically, sexually, and spiritually, because this is a commitment you are making for life. This ain’t something like a light switch you can turn on and turn off. You want to make sure you got your right soulmate when you say yes to that person. Get to know him. He might have a felony or he might be a rapist, you never know. He might be your brother! Or your sister. Well, yeah. Some people’s fathers had other families…Bro. Lincoln: Families don’t have reunions anymore these days and it’s hard to get to know your sibling/relatives. I’m going through that right now. You aren’t married to your sister? Bro. Lincoln: (Laughs) No! (Mr. Lincoln has recently come across some
siblings of his that he didn’t know he had)
I had one more question: How is shacking up not like marriage? What’s the difference? Because if I’m shacking up, we’re living together, paying bills together, having sex together, might have kids together, how is that different? Why do I need to get married if I’m in that situation? Sis. Lincoln: For financial security. For future financial security…and it’s the right thing to do. There’s still that shame even with shacking. Cause we did it, you know, we did it backwards. And there’s still that shame, you know? I’m good enough to sleep with this man. I’m good enough to cook for this man. I’m good enough to split the bills with this man. But I’m not good enough to have this man’s last name? [pause] The embarrassment for one thing. If you’re going to do all of that, why not? And I know people that were in that situation, grown people, with 50 year old kids,
and the man died and she can’t get his social security. You shacked with this man,
but you were never given his last name, so you spent 40 years with somebody and
he die, and you can’t get jack. Or another situation: you lived with him for twenty years and he had been married with grown kids. [After he dies] They come and say “you got to go; this my daddy’s.” So, for financial security. Bro. Lincoln: I would say everybody do it differently, because we all do things different. If you a God-given person, you go to church, you’re going to do it the right way. If you’re not a God-given person, don’t go to church, then you gon’ shack. Because y’all love one
another, y’all dating one another. Let’s live together; let’s have kids together. But you’re not married though. When we were dating, we weren’t going to church. When knew we were going to have a kid, because we were having sex. At the time when we had our first child, she wanted to move out on her own and raise our son, which was fine. I moved right along with her, helped pay the bills. At first, it was hard keeping a job, but I had one. She started going to church; I didn’t. And things started to change, for better. I saw it and said, “I may as well do the same thing.” So it’s what each individual, or each relationship put into that relationship. Do they want to get married first before they shack, or do they want to continue staying at their parents’ house? A lot of times, that why they do it, because they want to get out of their parents house.
I hope you guys enjoyed this one as much as I did! The Lincolns were a very open, honest couple. Look for more interviews coming soon!