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Hans Thoma 001

This is supposed to be Adam & Eve, in case it's unclear Image via Wikipedia

Special Note: HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my mommy! I LOVE YOU MOM!!!

Welcome to my fourth male guest post! These  are post by intelligent, successful men giving their takes on dating and relationships. You can review the first three posts, Independent Attitude–Brian, The Silent Killer–Mr. Perfect, and Hardly Ever Satisfied (Percy) here (Brian), here (Mr. Perfect) and here (Percy).

I first met “Da Baby King” (that’s the name he gave for the purposes of this piece, the first time he came to my church here in Florida. Since that time, we have both put our hands on several projects together, and I’ve come to know him as the spiritually focused, funny, genial man of God that he is continually striving to be. He always has something to say, and when I approached him to do this project, he told me he was going to “come with it,” and he was going to do something completely different. “They might not be ready for this; you just let me know if it’s too much for your blog.” Of course, I knew this before I asked him; it’s exactly why I asked him.

The piece you are about to read is from a Christian male’s perspective on love and relationships. Aside from Brian, who is Muslim, all of the gentleman have been Christian, but this is the first piece to focus in on the impact of the gentleman’s Christianity on his relationships.


God’s “Real” vs. The World’s “Real”

Before I start, I would like to thank the owner of Indigo Moods for allowing me to share my little insight on relationship perspectives. In my almost 30 years I have seen some interesting things that occur in relationships between men and women. I considered my personal experiences bad at the time, but I have learned so much. I have overcome many of my heartaches from looking at them from my Christian perspective. Disclaimer to those who may share different religious beliefs: I am not intending to force my own beliefs on anyone, but I do believe that there is only one God, who is Love according to the Holy Bible. Also, I believe that Jesus is the only connection to experience the fullness of God, who is Love.

As a young man, I have heard the world talk so much about how “real” men and women should look, act, and think. In examinations of the criteria they have shared, I found some proof in them; however, I have witnessed the side effects to exercising these criteria as well. Do not think of me as one of those “holier-than-thou” or “he thinks he is just Mr. Perfect Do-Right-All-The-Time,” but I had to notice that the world does not emphasize the selfless mindset of how a “real” man or woman should behave in relationships. Don’t understand what I’m talking about? Keep reading.

As I became an adult, I remembered hearing about how a real man has to be right physically, mentally, educationally, financially, and socially while being able to give a woman the idea that he can give her the world. As I listened and tried to fit into those attributes, I found myself being drained at the idea of having to throw myself into this certain character to seek out a storybook lifestyle. I really felt like I was the “man” who could give any woman the world according to the world’s perspective after I got my bachelors’ degree and thought I was getting settled into a career with this one company I was with at the time. However, it was to my blunder that was not the case.

By this point in my life, I realized that I need to have a more personal bond with Christ. I love going to worship and church functions. And please believe I love church people, especially the sisters!! On the other hand, I needed to seek out how God views a “real” man because following the world’s advice was not cutting it. I started being more engaged in learning about the parallels between the created marriage of Adam and Eve and the ultimate marriage of Christ and His Church. There were positives and negatives I needed to learn between these relationships in order to manifest a better view of opposite sex relationships.

One of the similarities that I learned about these two relationships is that God approved them and supported them. So I realized that I need to be approved by God. This is an attribute that I do not see (and do not expect to see) talked about in the world. As God knew Adam did not need to be alone, He used a part of him to create the woman for him. I am not hearing too many men saying “I need God to okay this woman to be joined with me,” but I learned that I have to allow God to approve of the woman I am seeking. He knows better than I do if she is a “good” thing. As Jesus (in human form) started growing up, He started patterning himself after God’s model for a man. He lived in preparation to die (in human form), be resurrected (in spiritual form), and be joined to his bride (kingdom a.k.a. the Church). So I asked myself “Don’t I need God to prepare me to die to my own intuitions and perspectives and rise as a man who is different from the world’s perspective in order to have the woman He wants me to have?” That hit me deeply.

As I started letting God mold me into His model man, He showed me through His Word about the woman He has for me. I first learned that she has her shortcomings as I have my own. As a gentle creature who is apt to give in to Satan (see how Eve fell), I learn that I have to submit to God in order to help her not to give in to Satan and allow me to give in with her, unlike how Adam gave in with Eve and ate off the tree God told them not to eat. As Christ relied on God’s model, He could see through His apostles (His brides to be-Church) and let them know that Satan is trying to get them. Learning this made me have to be more responsible in my Christian life and in my fellow siblings in Christ. I know that I will have a charge as a husband and father to follow God’s standards in my household and keep my family aware of Satan trying to destroy us. My future wife will also have to be responsive to that awareness by not giving in to Satan.

Now you may think because I did not detail every single aspect of how men and women should behave in relationships according to God’s pattern that I may have missed some details. To sum this up, you will need to allow God to create the heart that He wants you to have and let go of your expectancies of how you want the other to be in order to be fully engaged in the blessing that He has for you in an approved relationship. I will not share too many details on how this works on here, but I know God has and still is blessing me as I learn more about how He likes relationships to be. I am so blessed to have a woman whom He is creating for a lifetime with me. I thank Him for continually having to operate on me to be an even better man for her. I pray that is or will happen to you as well. I will close here. If any of you have any questions in regard to this post, feel free to e-mail me at southerndarkking@yahoo.com or check me at Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/SouthernDarkBabyKing. May God continue to bless and keep you!