, , , , , , ,

Photo of my bridal set (engagement and wedding...

Image via Wikipedia

This post came about from a few diverse instances/conversations over several months. The most recent was a discussion on Miss Mitten’s blog about Prince William choosing not to wear a wedding ring (I looked, but I couldn’t find an article that stated why he didn’t want to wear a ring, so I can speak to that…for him). Then there was a twitter status and blog post from my soror and fellow blogger who writes Girl Talk and Lip Gloss about a man in the club trying to pick her up who had the “ring tan line” from where he’d clearly removed a wedding band from his finger. The others have to do with the feminine aspect of the ring, which I’ll introduce later.

The male half of the ring thing is fairly simple for me: Mr. True Love, whoever he may be, is wearing a ring. I remember hearing in a wedding ceremony the phrase something about taking this ring as a symbol of my love blah blah, and I believe that says it exactly (:D). It’s not merely a sign that you are “taken” “married” “committed”–it’s a visible reminder to you of my love for you. How people may or may not respond to the moral impetus of aforementioned symbol has no bearing on how seriously any man I marry should take it. Now, if you can’t wear it because of the job you do (which, I understand, does include one or two jobs), or you break a hand/finger and they have to cut it off–fine. I’ll find a way to work around that. Otherwise, you’re getting a ring and wearing it. Hey, I don’t like jewelry, either, but there’d be a misunderstanding if I didn’t wear my ring.

Another favorite reason for not wearing it is they don’t like the style. This is  no longer a problem. There are a ton of men’s rings in various styles and price ranges out there; I’ve seen them with my own eyes (yes, I may have looked in a jewelry store…so what?). They have traditional and made to order. You aren’t relegated to a simple yellow gold band.

Men can still take it off if they are those low down brothers, but a woman not interested in getting involved with a low down cheating married man can easily discern a tan line on the left ring finger and move along. If he’s going to cheat, he will with or without the ring on; this is a character flaw, not a problem a ring solves. It’s also not an excuse for not wearing a ring. Just because you aren’t a cheater, it doesn’t mean you don’t have to wear one. I mean, women are clearly marked married, with an engagement ring, wedding ring, a last name change, and a change in address from Miss to Mrs. None of that will keep her from cheating, either, but we do those things to show we are now one with our husband, to have visible, tangible symbols of that love, and to let the world know we are proud to be Mrs. So and So. You mean you aren’t happy about being married to me, not proud to see a reminder of that love and commitment on your finger? Well, what the h-e-double hockey sticks am I doing with you then? (But that’s just my humble opinion).

The female ring thing is off a different tenor entirely. It’s not a question of a ring, but which ring. Mr. Perfect has a friend who saved years for the engagement ring. When this woman left him (and his ring), he sold it and PAID A DOWN PAYMENT FOR A TOWNHOME TO BE BUILT. That ring has to be between 10-20 grand, easy. Your entire down payment?…whoo, y’all, I got a little lightheaded. According to One Perfect Day, the current convention is for a man to spend at least three months salary, or 25% of his income, on a ring. O_O Many women equate the size with how much the man loves her. I’ve heard of women giving the ring back and asking for better, accepting an “OK” ring and making him put a better one on layaway, visiting rings, giving them back for being the wrong cut, promising themselves that when he does better financially she’s going to get the ring she really wanted…THIS IS FOOLISHNESS!

One thing Mr. True Love doesn’t have to worry about from me is foolishness over a ring. My thoughts are these: if a man decides he loves you enough to marry you, saves up and puts aside money he could be doing other things with for a ring, pours over cuts and designs and picks something he thinks you will like, does all the detective work necessary to get the right size ring, and proposes to you, and the only problem you have with accepting his proposal is with the carat size, cut, clarity, or color (yeah, I had to look that up…and?), you may need to check yourself. No, you do need to.

I don’t want to hear about what you “deserve,” blah blah. Are you in love or not? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him, or do you just want a ring impressive enough to put on facebook, have your friends ooh and ahh over, and ensure you are some of the brokest newlyweds in the ‘hood? I will get into the consumerism of a wedding and its trappings, and people starting married life in debt and unhappy from trying to keep up with the Jones another time, but I will say you know what your man can comfortably afford. Don’t try to bankrupt him on an engagement ring and lavish wedding–you’re bankrupting both of you that way.

But that’s just my two cents. Do you require your husband to wear a ring? Why or why not? Any thoughts on the engagement ring guidelines, advisements, and FOOLISHNESS (me, interjecting my opinion in the form of a question? No!…)? What does the ring really mean? Leave your two cents in the comments, or email me at 2blu2btru4u [at]gmail[dot]com if you want to let me know personally. 😉



P.S. Apparently the blogosphere is absolutely buzzing over this whole thing, so I’ve included a bazillion posts you can read for other’s opinions on it.