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This particular interview has been a long time coming. I conducted the interview in September of last year. There were so many juicy tidbits in here, so many pages and pages of responses, I wasn’t sure how to break down what I felt about the whole thing until days after. The following is the introduction I finally managed to craft to introduce this marriage kit, followed by a few of my thoughts on it. I will post some of the interview tonight, along with the rest of the Lincolns, and whatever else I set my hands to before I fall asleep at the monitor. 🙂


On Saturday, September 18, 2010, I had the pleasure of sitting dow with one of my deacons and his wife. The deacon’s wife was one of the first people I approached to participate in the marriage kits, and she readily agreed and made herself available. This couple is a couple of firsts: they are the first couple I am interviewing together for their take on marriage, as well as the first who lived together prior to marriage. The deacon and his wife didn’t hold anything back; rather, they told the truth in love. They shared how they got through/over many trials–the aftermath of rape, the rage and pain of previous experiences. The woman they told me about is not the woman I’ve come to know and love; the relationship they started out with isn’t the relationship that led me to wonder what their secret was to such a happy union. Yet that was her & that was their relationship. Their relationship is a wonderful testatment to love’s transforming power when God is put first. I know you will enjoy them immensely.


As I’ve continued to conduct these marriage kit interviews, and the possibility of making a book from them has solidified and the direction of that book has begun to take shape, I look back at this early interview and realize how unique it was. Everyone that I’ve interviewed hasn’t been this honest and forthcoming (although many have been).

I have been in quite a few homes and offices since I began this process almost a year ago. I’ve listened to many tales of marriage and many pieces of advice, but I find myself looking back at this interview as the one where the personal benefit of doing this finally solidified for me. Before this, it was all about providing my readers (there were maybe two of you at the time) with authentic examples of real black love, of real married couples who were making it work. It was a purely academic exercise. I was curious of the answers, but I thought I knew many of them already (silly me). Something about this interview made me feel like all of this somehow applied to my unmarried, unengaged life, which is something all good advice and knowledge from experience should do–relate to you and offer you perspective no matter where you are in life. It really humbled me.

Even though I’ve changed some of my questions from the original list, they still managed to answer many of the new ones without being explicitly asked. I wish I’d had my recorder for this one. sigh.