I’m in a Regina Belle/ JT kind of mood right now. I’ve been contemplating the concept of forever in regards to relationships lately. I think it’s funny when people say a relationship “ended” in marriage. Is marriage really the end to some people? I mean, I know it is for some people, but it’s odd to think that people really think that differently from me.
For me, marriage is the gateway to…everything that comes after marriage. If I never marry, there are certain things I will never do or experience. But for some people, experiences end with marriage…forever. I think if I felt that way, I wouldn’t want to be married either.
I follow someone on twitter who is a proponent of “open relating” as she calls it. She is constantly posting things about how marriage as an institution is broken and how we need to do something different in order to fix it; I agree. Now, where she loses me is in projecting the solution to be open relationships. From what I’ve read of her and her husband, she seems to think that one needs to have a solid monogamous relationship before they open the relationship. If I were to believe her philosophy, I’d still have the problem presented by the fact that most people can’t get monogamy right, so they’d never get to the open relationship aspect of it. She seems to be saying that one person can’t satisfy all of our needs or be everything that we need; and I agree. Only, I don’t think I need more than a husband to have sex with. You can get emotional support, advice, fellowship, companionship, a shopper partner or whatever from friends and family, fellow church members, a relationship with God…not necessarily another sexual relationship.
But she does raise an interesting set of questions that I want to explore: is forever possible for many of us? How do you stay a fulfilled person in a relationship without cheating? Are you even interested in a monogamous forever? Why does forever have to be monogamous (at least for me)?
As Outkast member Andre3000 raps “Forever never seems that long until you’re grown/ and notice that the day by day ruler can’t be too long.” It’s hard to grasp how long forever really is, because there is an end (in the earthly sense); we just don’t know it. It’s hard to say, now, what I’ll be able to deal with forever. It’s hard to account for how people change, and sometimes even harder to stand how they stay the same. I’m sure it irritates a lot of people that all of those annoying characteristics of mine they tried to break me of are still there. Some will never change, and that can scare you silly. Change is to be expected, but the thought of certain things not changing can be a lot harder to accept.
For the next couple of days, I really want to get into a discussion of marriage and monogamy, signing on for forever, and all that jazz. Feel free to add your two cents in.
XOXO
2blu2btru
Related articles
- Is Non-Monogamy The Key To An Affair-Free Marriage? (psychcentral.com)
- If We Pull The Thread Will Relationships Unravel? (thezephyrchronicles.com)
- Monogamous vs. Other Type of Unions (socyberty.com)
- Virtues of Infidelity (thiswifesturn.wordpress.com)
- Ms. Monogamy: Whatever Dan Savage Says; Married With Infidelities Isn’t For Me (blisstree.com)
Indigo Moods 
My two cents is that we’re a self-gratifying country. Our patience is zilch. If we don’t get something right away–good luck. So when I think people aren’t getting what they want right away or have that “loving” self-gratifying feeling of being IN LOVE–they call it quits and search for the next high. The simple fact of it is, you’re not going to be head over heels in love 100% of the time with your partner. It’s not feasible or attainable, and omg how tiring to try?
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I can agree with this wholeheartedly. You reminded me I wanted to post about my views on love. I think I may have at one point in time, but it won’t hurt to dedicate a whole post to how I feel we misinterpret what love is.
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Hmm…my two cents are: neither my husband or I find dating any different than marriage. On our honeymoon, we were both like…”well, I don’t feel any different.” And really, our lives haven’t changed at all. I guess they would if we had kids, but we don’t. We go places, have fun, and spend a lot of time together.
If he ever wanted an open relationship then he can GTFO.
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This says to me you guys had a pretty natural, well-established relationship before walking down the aisle, which is the way it should be, right?
Yeah, I don’t know many people who are following the open relationship track, especially not opening up a marriage that was monogamous. I don’t get the allure myself. How long have you been married?
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My husband, has asked for an open relationship… or a divorce. He’s told me he has urges to sleep with multiple women and does not think he can stay faithful to me any longer. He says our sex is good but it’s not enough, he wants to pick up girls, get numbers, pursue his options all the while being married to me. I’m a good wife, I cook, I clean, I work, I massage him, there isn’t a single thing I refuse to do for him. He says I’m the perfect wife but not perfect enough for him, I may be 90% wonderful but he wants 100%. I feel sad, hurt and embarrassed that he feels this way, I don’t have any married friends to seek council from and I feel lost. He’s brought this up over the last year of our marriage at least once a month but has never acted seriously on getting a divorce or cheated (that I know). But over the years of my marriage (3yrs) my self esteem has dropped. In the back of my mind I hear the comments of not being good enough, doing enough, sexy enough and I just don’t know if this is how marriage progresses? Or can a man really love you and want to be with you for years and years. I don’t think I can handle and open relationship but should I tell him to leave because he keeps bringing this subject up making me feel inadequate in our relationship? I’m in good shape, I eat healthy, I dress sexy often, wear high heels, lingerie I just don’t know how much more I am supposed to do or to take? When is enough enough?
Any advice?
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I will address this in a post and open it up to readers. Thanks for sharing your story with me; I hope you will get some encouragement/ guidance from the responses. God bless
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