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*If you missed the others in the Love Chronicles Series up to this point, I chronicled my first I love you, my problem with dating and friends, and even discussed the social networking site Blackplanet in an interlude. Here is the continuation of the chronicles, picking up where You & My Best Friend left off.

Previously on the Love Chronicles:

Looking back, I wonder who handled their jones for the best friend better. B-Boy had at least waited a good amount of time and went for what he wanted, while I…well, I would never know. That is, I wouldn’t if I hadn’t sent that facebook message…

The Love Chronicles: Drunk Texting

It’s truly amazing what having too much time for introspection can lead to. IN my case, one of those things was the social networking equivalent of a drunk text message that ended in quite possibly the nicest letdown ever.

The thing with Quentin was over before it even began, yet it didn’t end easily. Looking back, it was probably a bad case of not knowing wat to do on both of our parts. He probably didn’t want to see me because he thought I would make it awkward, and I avoided him because he seemed to make it a point to ignore/exclude me if we did happen to be in the same location (besides, let’s face it: I WAS awkward). I took it (whatever it was) well enough to want to be adult about it and move on, but I didn’t know how if he refused to cooperate. In any event, we wanted to avoid each other, which shouldn’t have been hard to do on a campus of nearly 50,000. He was in a science major; I was an English major. It was a large campus. It should have worked. Only the Black population was much smaller.

The only one in this situation who acted normally was Trent. He would speak to me, invite me to the Black Student Union events. He was never without a smile or a kind word for me. Not only was he handsome & kind, he was intelligent. I was smitten.

In retrospect, Trent was probably just being a gentleman. He saw a socially awkward freshman (and sophomore, and junior…) who always came to events alone, stood on the periphery a while, and left alone. He knew I used to be friendly with his best friend, yet now he seemed to think better of the association. It didn’t take much for him to be nice when we crossed paths. I acknowledge that…in retrospect.

But in September of 2006, amidst months of self-reflection, I regretted not telling him how much I appreciated that niceness. I also regretted not telling him how much I liked him. I wasn’t going to school with him anymore, and I didn’t owe anything to Quentin. It was my year of pursuing what I wanted. There was no way I was going to live with this huge “what if” hanging over me. I had done that long enough.

So I took to facebook.

I can’t claim drunkeness (I’ve never been drunk in my life); it was more a misguided attempt at no regrets bolstered by late night Facebooking with a high school friend and too many Betty Neels Harlequins.

For your entertainment, an excerpt of my very long message (yes, I save EVERYTHING…even embarrassing things like this:

First of all, I don’t know why I’m doing this, except I’m not in Indiana anymore, and life’s too short to leave things undone, so…

…I had a crush on you. Nothing major, just thought you were a nice guy, and nice looking…I just thought I’d say, whether it made an impression on you or not, just you’re being nice to me at the time you were… really meant a lot, and even though nothing ever came of it, I’m glad I met you. I still think you’re a nice guy. God bless.

 And I got this response back:

I think you are a really nice person too 2blu2btru.  I’m also glad to have met you.  I know you will do great things in the future.  I’m glad I was able to make you smile.

I must admit, I was sad it didn’t end like a harlequin romance novel, but at least I went after something I wanted, and I didn’t have to wonder what if.

Next up in The Love Chronicles: Cyrano de Bergerac