, , , ,

Who can believe it’s already the first of February? February is always a month of personal introspection for me as my birthday inches closer and closer (My birthday is the 24th of this month; I would like books, music, movies, a new flat iron, cute shoes that don’t hurt, cute work clothes, gift cards, caramel ice cream or cake, and/or The Adobe Creative Suite, Scrivener, and a laptop:D). Since my word of the year is to savor, I figured it might be a good idea to recap the month. Since I’m recapping the month, I decided to take a cue from Diary of a Happy Black Woman and give the month a word as well. Without further ado, January 2013.

The word of the month: Reset

I could have used a lot of words to describe this month: perspective, backsliding, crashed, pain, delay, etc. Most of them were negative  or didn’t give a full view of what this month meant to me, so I decided to go with the word that most fit what happened the entire month: Reset.

In December when I picked savor as the word of the year, I made preparations to be able to live out the meaning of the word. I had given myself a few things to savor: a great job review/bonus, paying off my car, Mr. Perfect and  I finally making a decision about our relationship, signing up for my first paralegal studies class and the ability to travel more like the last half of the year. I was ready to take writing and blogging by storm. I was going to tithe the full 10%, no excuses.

The thing is, I floundered a little bit. I reached out to an editor, but when it came to sending her a sample, I just wasn’t ready. I gave myself a deadline to finish the book, but I discovered I still had a lot more to write. I went to my first class and felt a crazy mixture of excitement that I was actually doing this and mild trepidation that I was going to fall on my face. I wasn’t sure what to do with the extra money I would have, what I should save for or acquire first. I had set myself all of these high expectations, and I was scared stiff I wouldn’t be able to meet them.

After the car crash, everything was reset. I had to withdraw from the class I was taking. There’s no question what I need to save for and/or acquire first: a car. I had to miss some work, which meant I wasn’t ahead at work anymore. Instead of Mr. Perfect and I pulling back and spending less time together, I see him everyday because he takes me back and forth to work and appointments resulting from the crash.

I could look at this as everything being set back at zero, but that’s not actually what has happened. What has happened is the slate has been wiped clean. No more hold-over expectations from last year; I can start fresh. It feels good to be able to slow down and ensure I have time to fully develop the things I outlined for the book, topics I didn’t even know I wanted/needed to include. Not being able to rush from point A to point B has allowed me to savor some quiet moments to myself that I would have missed. Even though this month has seen me more irritated and a bit snappier than I’ve been in a long time, it has revealed that I still have some growing to do in some areas. If I truly want this year to be about savoring moments and influencing people to be more Christ-like, I’m going to have to slow down to take in all of the flavors and be savory in times when I would rather be sour.

This month has been like the pre-test at the beginning of the year to see what you already know about the subject and what you will need to work on learning. Now that I know where I stand, it’s time to dig in and learn.

I’m off to start day one of couch to 5k. Wish me luck in sticking with it this time.