Good morning, loves! I have had to start over in more ways than one this month, and I am having a hard time coping, let alone writing any posts. I do have a wrapping up the month for April on my computer just waiting to be uploaded, but the month of May has me a bit down in the dumps and unmotivated in so many ways.

1. Even though my presentation at the Authentic Self seminar was well received, the things surrounding it didn’t go according to plan. I didn’t find the time to create business cards (that would have been clutch for gathering views to my site. I managed to record audio of my presentation (yes!), but couldn’t upload it to my site (no!). Worse than not being able to upload the audio, I couldn’t upload my old blogs to the site except one by one *insert my “what the what?” face here* In short, the site wasn’t going to work for me the way I wanted it to, which meant I couldn’t capitalize on a great presentation with books to buy, business cards to pass out, or a site to which to direct my new fan base. New author/motivational speaker/Christian lifestyle blogger/whatever it is that I’m calling myself fail. #Epic Fail #1

There’s also a part two to this #epicfail: I have decided to go in a different direction with the site. You see, I was finding myself trying to write as if I were an expert in a lot of areas where I am not, like I was a leader who could help other people get to where I was. That approach doesn’t work for me. I am the one trying to get serious about my life, not the one who has it all figure out and is trying to help other people get their lives. Plus, I don’t want to be serious and sober all the time. That’s not me. I can’t develop a site that’s not me. It was beginning to feel forced, like I had to write a serious piece or I had to have the answers when I just didn’t. So I’m going back to a personal motto. The Season for Getting Serious will be my blog about my personal journey towards taking my life and my faith more seriously, and learning to balance the serious with the fun. If I learn anything, I’ll share as always, but I’m nixing the “build a community” model. Which  means I have to change the Facebook page introduction and my twitter bio for SeasonSerious. #EpicFail #3

2. My class reunion is coming up and I am less than excited about it. At first I was very excited about it. I get to see old friends and catch up on what people are doing now; who wouldn’t want to do that? Then I remembered that I didn’t actually have a whole lot of friends in high school, and even fewer of them will probably attend. Many are a couple years behind me and wouldn’t be there, anyway. On top of that, having gone to an elite private school with rich and well connected peers, my small accomplishments appear even smaller when matched against creating new advancements in securities, running a Fortune 500, starting your own very successful business, becoming a law or the youngest professor at Vanderbilt University or similar. Heck, I didn’t even move to NYC on a dollar and a dream and live the Sex and the City life or open up an Etsy shop. Not to mention gaining weight and all of those physical things people take stock of at reunions. The reunion kind of snuck up on me. I haven’t had time to complete a few rounds of P90X, hire a personal trainer and nutritionist, or go vegan–not that I would do most of those things. I’m having low self-esteem like whoa right now.

3. I’m not getting very far with the book anymore. I lined up my editors/readers and then face planted on progress. I need to take this laptop to work with me and sit in the break room typing and just get. it. done. I have a detailed outline and everything. All I have to do is write and listen to some interviews. But having colossally messed up with the website and not knowing how to begin fixing it, I am loathe to press forward on anything right now. I am scared spitless about making a mistake.

4. It hasn’t all been bad, however. I did read and review my first book for Net Galley, Kissing the Maid of Honor. I have some “serious” books in the chamber right now: My So-Called Life as a Submissive Wife and Cut it Out, a book about the reasons behind the recent rise in C-sections. I’ve begun reading both, and both are good material for reviews so far. The Submissive Wife one is driving me crazy because the stupid kindle version keeps getting stuck. That’s the only reason I haven’t finished this book. I doesn’t release until August, so I have plenty of time to get it read and reviewed…if I can get it to work consistently. Ugh. As far as the book on C-sections goes, I’m learning a lot about what goes into the birthing process and who really gets to make what decisions. I’m not a feminist by any means, but if you have a human coming out of you, you would assume you had more say so in what happens during this  process, or at least your doctor would. Reproduction is such a touchy subject, one where people have some really set opinions, but I have had my opinions shifted and my eyes opened a bit. Can’t wait to finish this one.

5. As aforementioned, the presentation went well. I WILL figure out how to create a podcast, which has to be simple because so many people do, out of the audio that I recorded from the conference. Hopefully, you will all be able to download it and get something out of it. I loved the response I received. In fact, I am studying fear for a woman who had a question after my presentation. I have already made some connections that I’ve never made before regarding the context of some of those famous verses about fear in the New Testament. I can’t wait to share that over at The Season for Getting Serious blog (I reverted the blog to the address so you can still see and receive posts while I figure out the website.

6. The other day, as I was expressing my lack of excitement about the upcoming reunion because I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything but gaining weight and having a job, Mr. Perfect gave me a much needed pep talk about how successful I’ve actually been, and the fact that most of the people that will be there haven’t been in my life for all of the ups and downs as anything more than a Facebook thumbs up or a retweet for several years. As hard as I am on myself, I actually have accomplished a lot in the past ten years, as well as surviving a lot of setbacks. I am not a married published author living in my dream home who writes full time and has a million twitter followers and likes on my Facebook fan page, but I haven’t been sitting on my hands in my mother’s basement the last ten years either. I have led education conferences, presented to the singles at a marriage and family workshop, presented to women of all ages on Being Serious About Who we are in Christ at 2 different locations (and been asked to speak at another), I’ve bought a domain and hosting after blogging for over ten years, I have a great job and have been in a steady relationship for over half of that time. I’ve survived a gap year in college, my home being sold out from under me, unemployment, two totaled cars, nine moves, the deaths of five significant family members and many others, and managed to be faithful to God and my beliefs the whole way. It’s been a good ten years, all told. I just have to remember that more often.

How has your week been?