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I spent a lot of time talking to married people for the marriage kit project and I spend an inordinate amount of time on the internet looking at stories, meme, and articles on relationships, love and marriage. As I continue contemplating my readiness for marriage, I have to admit that I don’t want to be a wife.

*record scratch* Say what, 2blu?

No, really. Wives get a bad rap. Between the “Game Over” t-shirts, the eCards of a man surrendering his credit card to a shopaholic wife, the ball and chain references, and the not-really-joking advice all married men give to those seeking to marry to just say “Yes, dear. I love you” to everything their wives say, wives are horrible people. I heard somewhere once that men don’t settle down; they surrender. They just give up.

Men who aren’t abstinent before marriage are scared off the idea with assertions that women will stop sleeping with them as soon as they get married. Men worry that once they make their women their wives, the women will pack on the pounds, sleep in a face mask and head scarf, and never cook again. They worry that once they have a child with her, they will be placed on the back burner, if not thrown out altogether. Who would sign up for that kind of treatment? And who would want to be that woman?

I don’t want to be the other type of wife that people mock, either. I don’t want to try to be Martha Stewart in stilettos. I don’t want to eat like a rabbit and workout like an actress with a nude scene coming up out of fear I’ll lose my husband if I’m not built like an 18-year old Amazon. I don’t want to put who I am aside and focus solely on being a wife–not having any hobbies or anything to do when I’m on my own, neglecting the things of God in favor of serving my husband, etc. I don’t want to be hopping on one foot barking like a dog (word to Coming to America & Vanessa Bell-Calloway).

I know some incredible women who seem to be great wives. Their husbands seem very happy with them. But the unifying theme is that they are all older Christian wives. When I talk to them, their priorities are very different than the woman of today. But so are their husbands. Neither the husbands nor the wives view marriage as the end of their lives. But it’s rarer to find that these days.

I think it’s easy to get carried away with stereotypes or wanting to convey that marriage is work. People want others to think critically before they commit themselves to another person for life, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But the way that they present marriage doesn’t inspire me to want to get married.

I don’t want to be thought of as some soul crushing, brow beating, never satisfied, fat, lazy woman who’s trying to trap a man before showing her true colors. I also don’t want to have to change everything I am to be seen as a good wife, or feel my marrying or marriage is contingent upon me crossing every “t” and dotting every “i” while cooking dinner dressed in a string bikini and stilettos.

That’s my two cents, anyway. Feel free to leave yours in the comments section.

XOXO,

Erica