Dear Miss E,
Whenever people say “A year from now, your whole life can be different,” you always think of the possibilities and positives. Some might call it optimistic or Pollyanna, but you know it’s faith and hope. So, I’m not surprised that you view tonight not as a rejection or an ending, but as an invitation. That’s just who you are and what you do, and I couldn’t be more grateful for that than I am looking back on the season you are about to enter.
You are so much more than you realize right now. There are things you can’t see because you’re too close to them. You only see dimly through a foggy mirror right now, but oh dear heart, it would amaze you to know what God is going to reveal in you. You know God made you intelligent, hopeful and loving but He made you so much more that you get to discover. You’re experiencing it even now with your heart hurting.
God made you strong and kind, not in a moment, but in your marrow. Life has knocked you down time after time for four months straight, and yet you get up gracefully. Tonight, you had the strength to set down and walk away from your version of forever after, and you did it with kindness. You were kind to yourself and someone you thought would always be a part of your story. You were kind to the relationship you had and who you had been to one another. You were kind to the people you would be in the future. It took such strength and kindness to pull the plug and let this relationship slip away peacefully. You think you were weak because you had to ask God to give you the strength to do what you know you needed to do, but that’s what makes you so strong. This strength and kindness aren’t momentary aberrations but are inherited traits in your spiritual DNA. God’s strength is made perfect in your weakness has never been more real to you than it was tonight, and it will never be a scripture you say without intimate knowledge of its truth. God is going to keep showing up strong and kind in your life, and He’s going to keep showing you how to be those things, too.
Right now, you’re wondering if you’re going to shrink back into your shell or harden you heart against love. I can tell you the opposite is true. As you begin to fill your free time serving others, the dams are going to burst and you are going to find your capacity to give and receive love is so much greater than you ever imagined. You’ll find the more you pour out, the more you have to give. In this moment it feels like your heart is a drain and love is rushing out of you like a river, but trust me, it gets better. God has surrounded you with so much love. I know you feel like this happened at the worst possible time and place, but God saw fit to let you walk away from this painful letting go straight into a Wednesday night service where you sang about who He is and what He does. You sat and read Isaiah’s prophecies of the coming Messiah, of restoration and a reason to hope. You were embraced and told you were being prayed for by people who don’t even know what just happened. Sister Calloway hugged you close and rocked you like a baby and whispered she loved you like she always does, but you held her a little tighter and you let those words burrow in a little deeper. God showed you right then that you needed people in the season you were entering, and I thank Him that you had the strength to start showing up more just to sit with people.
As you drive home tonight, you’re wondering about this peace you have. You think maybe it’s numbness, that things haven’t sunk in yet. You feel pain, but it can’t compare to the peace, and that scares you a little bit. That, dear heart, is the peace of God you feel. Tonight was hard and it hurt, but it was right and you know it. This peace isn’t going to go away in the cold light of day. It will stay with you. Lean into it. Trust in it. Thank God for it.
This feels like failure, but you have to know this is success. You said when a decision was made, you would be able to breathe again. You felt like you had been holding your breath. You said after a decision was made “why do I still feel like I can’t breathe?” But sit in your skin now and note how your lungs are filling as you breathe deep and let out those huge sighs. This is breathing, friend. This is the breathe of life you’ve been longing for. Breathe it in. Because the next twists and turns are going to take your breath away in the best possible ways…
The above is a love letter to myself for ending a relationship and starting the process of moving on. In the moment, it can be hard to accept that there’s a purpose to the pain, and that you’ll somehow be better for breaking up. In the year since this night, I’ve learned this is not only possible, but it was purposed for me. Earlier this year, I reached out to some single Christians about a project I felt the Lord placed on my heart: a book about breakups that gives biblically based tools to navigate the unique challenges of breaking up with someone as a Christian. The response was unanimous: it was needed.
I’m excited to announce that this project will be released in a few months! This is so much more than a book. Other products for purchase and pre-order information will be forthcoming as we creep closer to release day. I can’t wait to share what God shared with me in this season!
That’s not all! I am also excited to announce my first bible study, Ladies and the Logos, will be releasing in January! This bible study is for any Christian woman who wants to examine how an encounter with Christ changes everything. We’ll deep dive into each story, highlighting the characteristics of Christ revealed in the encounter and receiving practical tips on how to exhibit those characteristics in our everyday lives. More details on this launch will also be forthcoming in the next few weeks.
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