Note: After I posted yesterday, I felt like there was some stuff I left out, intentionally. If I were really writing to myself a year ago, there were some things I don’t think it would have been helpful for me to know. But it would be helpful for readers to know, and maybe 2016 Erica deserved to hear it, too. When I started getting my thoughts out, to my surprise they formed this spoken word poem type of thing. This is the finished (edited and such) product. Stay tuned for more info on the book release at the end!
I didn’t lie to you.
I just didn’t tell you everything.
I didn’t want to tell you that like so many
Broken bones and promises,
It’s going to hurt
When you look at it.
When you realize what’s happened.
I didn’t want to tell you how an old post on Facebook’s On This Day
Will steal your breath away.
Sorrow will slide between your ribs
Sharp and lethal.
Every breath you take that day will be
I didn’t want you to know the more you dig
For gold beneath the old standbys of
“All things work together!” and
“Count it all joy!”
Boy do you notice how much
This is a complex break; it’s not clean.
You have to get in there and repair.
Somebody has to set in order.
I didn’t tell you sometimes the cast keeping everything in line
Comes with a pain of its own.
You won’t be able to move as freely as you used to.
You won’t maneuver through the world with the same grace
You like to display.
And that’s OK.
There’s so much I didn’t say yesterday
Simply because I couldn’t collect all the words.
I didn’t want pain to get in the way.
I didn’t want fear to get in your ear
And whisper “You can’t do this.”
I didn’t want to pull back the curtain and let you see
How rough this road was going to be
Before you take the first step.
I couldn’t put a stumbling block among the rocks
And roots to trip you up.
I wanted to tell you enough
To help you sleep well last night.
Enough so you welcome dawn’s early light
With enough bubblegum pop to prop you up throughout the day.
The peace God gave you doesn’t have legs to walk about;
You have to carry it with you.
I didn’t want you to think it would be too much to hold.
This peace is so light it’s almost air.
Don’t neglect something so great
Because it has such little weight.
You’ll need it in the middle of the day, like a phone charger
When you’re battery’s low and you have no way to plug in to power.
You try to conserve life but it keeps getting lower
Like you left an app running in the background.
Everything doesn’t have to be so heavy.
It doesn’t have to press down hard to matter.
Sometimes my thoughts get scattered when I try to put all that
In less than a thousand words.
But I hope you heard what did get said.
You are strong and kind and loved.
The things you’re learning again
Will be like old familiar friends
You don’t know why you stopped talking to.
But there’s more work to be done,
And I didn’t want to be the one
To have to tell you the battle isn’t won just because
Your heart isn’t broken.
So now that you’ve awoken to the fact
There’s more on your to do list
I want to leave you with this.
You are more strong and kind than you ever had in mind to be.
This isn’t going to be easy
Perhaps one day it will be.
This blood you shed is the transfusion
This generation of mass confusion needs.
You have to step out.
I didn’t want the level of difficulty to keep you from stepping.
I know now it won’t.
I know you’re going to do what you get to do.
You’re not going to quit,
And you’re not going to turn back.
That’s my hang up.
I didn’t trust you to show up and be
Exactly what I needed you to be.
But I trust you now.
So I’m saying it now.
In case you missed it along the way to what happened yesterday:
You’ve got this.
About the book: The book, tentatively titled Break Right, will be released Tuesday, February 13, 2018! Break Right will be available for pre-order beginning Friday, December 29th, 2017. Pre-orders placed by 11:59PM (EST) on Tuesday, January 30, 2018 will be shipped for delivery by release day. Those who pre-order will receive a few pre-order goodies: free ebooks, bookmarks, prints, and more to be detailed soon.
Bible study Ladies and the Logos will be released Monday, January 15, 2018. Pre-orders will begin Friday, December 15, 2017. All orders placed before Monday, January 1, 2018 will be shipped for delivery by release day. Pre-order goodies include bookmarks, prints, study guides, and more to be detailed soon.