You CAN Do It Alone

Tags

dependency, finances, goals, God, money, trust

I think I need to write a sternly worded letter to myself. I have been on a mission this year to make sure I was doing…no more waiting around for this girl. I have been doing a lot of things I’ve been meaning to do and really coming into my own, but there are still a few more frontiers that need to be worked on. One of those is the financial sphere of my life.

I gave up on ever getting things paid off and getting ahead financially as a single person. My mantra has become “I will never be able to pay off my student loans as a single person.” In all honestly, I haven’t been able to pay ON my student loans in a while, let alone pay the OFF, but this negative thinking and surrendered attitude aren’t going to get me any closer to that goal.

I started a campaign at work to make a case for more money come review time. I know I can’t afford to be in a position where I only get the standard two percent, not if I’m going to make any strides financially. I’ve recently taken on new responsibilities. I am also angling for a new title that fully encompasses what I do. I think that once I have a new job title/description where people can more clearly see just how much more I do this year than last year, it will be easier to build a case for more money. But this little plan of mine will take some time before I see any fruit.

What I can change right now is my attitude and my spending. I am going to have to cut down my cost of living somehow if I’m going to get ahead. I checked into other options for my cable and internet, but the plan I have now is cheaper than the other comparable plans. I have lowered both my car insurance and car payment this year already. I just need to find a few more areas where I can cut back and stay away from cash advances in order to see light at the end of the tunnel.

I can’t depend on a man, a roommate, or moving home to help me get on top of MY debt. This surrendered attitude doesn’t serve me, and it shows I’m putting my trust and hopes for security in the wrong place. I can’t depend on people or my job to ensure my needs are provided for; I can’t even depend on myself. I haven’t completely given this area over to God. It took me a long time to realize that while I’ve made great strides in this area, I still hadn’t let go completely.

What are you having trouble letting go of/changing your attitude about?

XOXO,

Erica

Related articles

• Have We Been Set Up For Financial Failure? (Infographic) (lexingtonlaw.com)
• Get Your College Education to Increase your Bank Account, Not Decrease (bestcreditrepaircompanys.com)
• Obama Announces Plan to Forgive All Student Loans (dailycurrant.com)

The Home Stretch

Tags

accountability, Fee, finances, goals, Overdraft, Payday loan, positioning, work, working out

Image by Christopher Chan via Flickr

Random Thought of the Day: I can’t find my mailbox. I was led to believe that my mailbox would be in front of my apartment building rather than in a central kiosk somewhere, but I haven’t seen it. Maybe where I enter is actually the back and I have to go around the building to get my mail. If I don’t find the box by Saturday, I’ll have to call in the reinforcements.

One really good thing about moving is the unique opportunity it is affording me to position myself for next year financially. Because I had to pay my first month’s rent when I moved, I don’t have to pay rent with this paycheck or the next paycheck. While it hurt to use my last paycheck to pay for December’s rent, it has put me in the unique position of being able to pay up my bills and position myself to focus on paying down debt in 2011, instead of playing catch up as I have for most of 2010.  

I’m saving most of my goals for 2011 for the New Years Goals/Word of the Year post that I like to do, but I will give you a couple of them now. The first is to not have any overdraft fees in 2011. Since I’ve switched banks, I haven’t had this problem at all. In fact, if you overdraft by less than $5, it won’t charge you a fee. Also, when I opened my account, I selected the option that does not let my card go through if it will result in a negative balance. The only thing to watch out for are automatic withdrawals, as these automatic withdrawals will still come out on schedule.

In a similar vein, another goal is to not incur late fees. I incurred a few last year that helped keep me far behind on my bills, and didn’t go towards paying anything down/off. It’s basically giving away money. I can’t pay bills on time. There’s no reason for me to make a habit of giving away money.

The third goal is to not use any cash advance/payday loans or borrowing to cover my expenses. These have high interest rates and fees, and end up costing you more than you get in return.

All of this may sound very pedestrian to you, and I’m sure most people don’t make a habit of paying overdraft fees and late fees, but this post will serve as a reminder to myself (and provide some Accountability). Of course, these aren’t the only financial goals I have, but you’ll have to stay tuned to read those.

What about my other goals? I’m back in the gym, taking classes in yoga and pilates. I’m finally working in Underwriting again at work and doing well. I’ve been writing more, and I’ve been working on my spiritual growth. There’s progress in most areas, but there’s still a lot to be done.

I’m taking suggestions for the word/phrase of the year. As you may know, I don’t so much make resolutions as goal, and I use a word that describes what I want to focus on for the year. I’ve used growth, ameliorate, and accountability the last three years; what would you suggest?

What did you set out to accomplish this year? Were you successful? What problems did you run into. What are you planning to do differently next year?

Related Articles

• Read: Documents Reveal One Bank’s Plan to Squeeze Customers for More Overdrafts (propublica.org)
• 6 Simple Ways to Safeguard Against Bank Bullying (wisebread.com)
• 6 Banking Fees You Can Avoid (blogs.forbes.com)
• FDIC Program Sets Payday Loans in Sights (paydayloans.org)
• Automate Your Finances to Spend Less Time Managing Your Accounts [Video] (lifehacker.com)
• Conn. Woman Mistakenly Charged $2,600 For Pizza (newyork.cbslocal.com)

You Must Make This Much to Ride This Ride!

Tags

behind, deal breakers, finances, guidelines, income, issues, lists, What Chilli Wants

What is the minimum income requirement you have for a spouse, or do you have one? How do you feel about stay at home wives (not mothers–wives)? What would you do if true love left you the perfect person, except they didn’t make a lot of money when you met them? How broke is too broke?

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with setting up guidelines about the person that you want to share a life with that have to do with things you cannot accept–if you want someone without kids, or with a college degree–but how do you handle exceptions (because there are always exceptions)? What if there is no initial spark of lustful attraction, but you connect well mentally? What if she is gorgeous and smart and makes good money but has two or three children? What if he’s Muslim? What if she’s Pagan? When is it OK to break a deal breaker?

I watched What Chilli Wants again. Yes, my Sundays are a little slower than the other days of the week. Anyway,Floyd Mayweather is still in the picture distracting her from finding true love (or is the match true love keeps trying to press on her–you be the judge) which, along with various other things from the weekend, got me thinking about deal breakers and the wisdom of putting limits on love. *Pause*

I know that there have to be some parameters in place so that you don’t accept everything that comes along. Love is not bringing you Pookie from cell block D serving three life sentences for rape and murder who writes letters about choking you and beating you and spitting on you (or maybe he is–people ask love for some strange requests!); more than likely desperation and loneliness are bringing him. Desperation and/or loneliness are responsible for most of the foolishness people end up with. When I was single, I was neither, so I didn’t have as much trouble as other females who were man hungry to the point of picking up strange men in odd places and not taking “no” for an answer. *Continuing on*

It’s not easy for me to trust to begin with, to open myself up to love and loving somebody. My nerves are always on alert; at the first sign of shaky ground, I bolt back to safe terrain like a white tailed deer. So believe me when I say that I know how hard it can be to lower your guard and give people room to be human, make mistakes, without completely detaching yourself. There’s a difference between a mistake, a deliberate positioning oneself in a situation, and a pattern of behavior that negates the possibility of ever getting out of a situation. You have to know what you’re dealing with.

Here are a few of my issues:

1. I make little money. I have a degree. I’m great at all things pertaining to the written word and can work in any field that deals more in words than numbers (no accounting for me!). I should be making more than I make, but I am not. I am proactive about my future, but at the current moment, I am blessed to have a (lower paying) job.

2. I talk A LOT. A whole lot. It annoys people (and even me). One of the reasons I will never get married (ask my father and Pink Susie’s husband if you don’t believe me). I talk when I’m nervous. I talk when I’m happy. I talk to fill silences. I talk to avoid talking. I can be quiet, but since I’m known for talking, when I don’t talk people figure something’s wrong and coax me to talk. Yet they think I talk to much. Vicious cycle.

3. I keep most things to myself. I’m not a sharing person (evidence of this blog aside). When you upset me, I let it go (or try to). When you hurt me, I move on (or try to). But I don’t usually say anything about it. It’s not even that I explode later, I just begin detaching, shutting down the emotional receptors, and preparing for the eventual demise of the relationship. Usually. I’m striving to be better.

4. I challenge you to like me at my less than stellar. I am not a dress up, coiffeured within an inch of my life, made up like a Barbie person. I love sexy nightgowns and underwear (that only I see at present), smelling good, and having my hair down. I don’t tend to wear makeup, dresses, or stilettoes. I can’t walk properly in heels. I prefer jeans. I don’t like bright colors in my hair, or for my belts to be lime green or neon orange to match my shirt and the swoosh on my air force ones. I don’t rock door knocker earrings with my name in them. I don’t wear a lot of summer dresses. I can get “snazzy,” but for the most part, figure hugging jeans and a nice top with basic black pumps  are the most I do. I feel comfortable that way, and I can see if you like me for me, or you like me for the potential if I just permed my hair, got french tips, wore a bunch of makeup, and lost a few pounds.

5. I give people a lot of chances. The results are usually the same, but I feel I should at least try to give people a chance to change. As a result, I have a lot of family members and friends who take advantage of me from time to time. It can drive some people crazy that I would answer their phone calls or do projects, etc. for them, knowing what happened the last time. Maybe I’m too nice, but I would like for people to show me the same courtesy and give me the benefit of the doubt.

Some of these things I can change; some I cannot. Only time will tell which is truly which. I feel like the Brandy song Camouflage: “I’m a work in progress/ I’m a seed grown into a flower/ I’m a storm that’s rising/ Getting stronger with every hour/ And God knows I ain’t perfect/ Tell me who in the world is/ All I know is that I’m searching/ For somebody to love me with/ These flaws I’ve got/ There all apart of who I am/Take me or not…/ I need a lot of improvement/ Not even half way to destiny/ But I’m a train that’s moving/ And everyday I’m picking up speed.” I would hope that I wouldn’t be discounted as “wifey material” because I’m not a finished product yet, so I don’t feel like I could discount someone for the same reason. I’m not saying I would accept anything. Far from it. But I’m finding that sticking to a rigid list of qualities is not the greatest course of action.

I guess that’s easy for me to say. At this moment, Mr. Perfect meets most of my essentials; it’s me who isn’t quite up to par. I’m not used to being the person who lags behind. It’s not something that I enjoy. One of these days, I’m going to have to catch up with where I’m supposed to be.

Monopoly Money

Tags

bills, finances, marriage, money, relationships, responsibility

Mr. Perfect and I were strolling through the park yesterday and I decided to ask him about money, because I was curious and had nothing else to keep my mind off the hot sun on my back. I’d asked him before but didn’t really get an answer (we got off on some tangent or other and never got back on it).

The specific money matters we were talking about were paying bills as a married couple and how he wanted to handle his bills with his wife. What I got out of his answer was that he would split mortgage/rent 50/50 and maybe each person would pay certain bills. He also said something about taking into consideration how much money the other person makes in comparison to him and etc.

I’ve thought about the money thing often enough. It would be a very big aspect of life. I mean, bills have to be paid. I prefer to pay bills on time in full. Some months are harder than others to stick to that, but that’s how I like it. I have no problem pulling my weight or paying my fair share; wouldn’t want anyone to think I’m asking because I plan on keeping my money in my pocket. Still I like punctuality and practicality above all else when it comes to my money.

Me? I have no problem splitting it all 50/50, no consideration of my income necessary. I’d have less money left than him (considerably, at this point, lol) but that wouldn’t bother me and eventually that will change. I would prefer a household account and individual bank accounts for our personal money. I just think it’s easier for our half of the bill money to go into one account and for checks to be written or bills paid online from one account, most effectively by one person, but with the ability to be handled by either and with both having access to the bills/amounts and the bank statement.

Money is one of those issues that, if people are mismatched, kills marriages. As long as we were dating or whatever and my money was mine to spend how I wanted, things were great, but now here you are all in my financial kool-aid. I’m a saver, you’re a spender. I pay my bills on time, you pay yours whenever you feel like it. Your credit is fantastic and mine is ridiculously battered and bruised. Whether it’s a lack of money or a lack of knowledge of money, the money tension in a relationship can get thick and and choke you out.

And whoever controls the pocketbook controls the family. Money is power. I don’t mind paying my half because that’s an investment in our lives together. It shows that I’m at the table and paying attention in this relationship. I can’t hand over the money completely, blindly trusting that things are getting paid and obligations are being met, but I think I could (if required) hand over the physical act of paying the bills. And I don’t see it as a masculine or feminine thing to keep track of the family finances.

Mr. Perfect’s ideas aren’t too far from mine, so if we ever got to that point, I’m sure we could reach a decision about the money that we both could deal with.

How big a role does money play in the considerations before marriage? Does how much the other person makes matter? Who should be in charge of the money? What about going out to eat as husband and wife with separate bank accounts–who picks up the tab, or is that from household funds? What about groceries? Toothpaste? If I bought it, do I keep it in the divorce? And what about those pre-nuptual agreements?

2blu2btru

Good Morning!

Tags

blogging, career, faith, finances, friends, friendship, girl-friends, goals, publication, RTD, spiritual, writing

Okay, well, it’s not THAT good of a morning, but sometimes you have to fake it until you make it. I do feel a little better. I watched the middle of a really weird movie on the Sundance channel that had David Boreanz in it, and this other little man that I know but don’t know his name. It seemed that Boreanz was a “writer” and he was moooching off of staying with the little guy. There were some random Colombians he invited to stay at the little man’s house, random women he hooked up with, etc. The little man was a very cultured man who liked the Opera and wrote scores. He enjoyed high brow literature. He was very easily taken advantage of. It looked interesting from the 30mins somewhere in the middle that I saw of the movie. I don’t know the title though.

My boss is trying valiantly to find out what comes next for me and when I will actually be returned to the underwriting department, but he’s not getting anywhere either. I was told by the new accounting person assigned to oversee the backfile scanning that she was meeting with the Accounting Manager (I believe her official title is Controller…ironic, isn’t it?) on yesterday to find out what was next and she would email me after that meeting. No, not so much. Meanwhile the Controller never got back to my boss, and the CFO, he of the loud shirts and louder mouth (seriously, this guy speaks at a 10 all the time…and always sounds angry and impatient), has not gotten back to him about my next move. Am I going to corporate next, or back to Underwriting? What, exactly, is left to do in accounting? Suffice it to say I haven’t gotten anywhere on my career goals, but it’s not for lack of trying.

We’ve already talked about my lack of progress financially here, so we will skip evaluated that goal other than to say I’ve made no progress.

I didn’t submit anything for January. I missed a few days here, but I’ve made almost all of them up. I wrote down a few new ideas, but I haven’t gone beyond cataloging them at this moment.

As for my spirirtual goal, I have been going to church on Sunday and Bible study Wednesday, as well as being involved in the Singles’ Ministry. A sister approached me to help her take some of the older children to Second Harvest in March to volunteer and I agreed. A lady at work seems to think I’m close to God and asked me to pray for another coworker, which was my topic for the lost Wisdom Wednesday that I will be posting, hopefully later today.

Trying to be more present with my friends is going fine. Loopy friend and I are talking more, even though she acts so young I want to strangle her sometimes. She’s refreshing and honest, if nothing else. She also wants to be my gym buddy, so I will have someone to go with when her new work schedule takes effect. My other friend is thinking of moving here, my more mature, refreshing and honest friend. My 2nd Bestie. Hopefully she does.  That would be fun. We had some interesting times. (She’s the one who bought me the cake on my 21st birthday) I keep in touch with my Bestie on the phone, and other friends through facebook, twitter, and WordPress.

I still have some things from 2008 that I want to accomplish before my birthday, the official start of a new year for me. I want to finally watch this movie my coworker suggested. I have a library book to take back (super late, I know…hey, I renewed a time or two, so it’s not that late).  I have to change my W-4 as I only have one job this year. Some other things probably, but I can’t remember. Oh, and I’m going back through this blog from the beginning to now and adding pictures, categories, links to referenced journal entries, and so on to make it pretty and user friendly. I also need to get some more great blogs to read, so if you know of any, let me know.

I’ve done really well with the get fit part of my goal, now it’s time for the get healthy part. I’m going to start with the dentist before the doctor, just to get my feet wet (and basic first visit stuff is 100% covered with no copay, and I won’t have any money until next check, lol. ) I’m actually excited for the dentist. I have a tooth that is in need of repair, one that isn’t there anymore, and they all could use a deep clean and checking over. I’m told I have a great smile and I would like to keep it.

As I look into a new month that includes my birthday, hopefully some answers about my career, and a time where I finally see money from all the cuts I’ve made (about $115 per month in budget cuts), I’m looking to move forward even more fully. Everything before my birthday is really just an assessment, a dry run, an opportunity to see where I am and how far I have to go. February 24th is the jumpoff point. That’s when it counts, when it’s no longer practice. I’m a little sad about decisions I have to make (Michigan in May and Chapter 0th Anniversary are not looking good right now), I know I’ll eventually get to visit those people and do those things that matter. Just maybe not when I want to. I know that’s more the reason I was so upset about the tax return thing than the money. I want to see my sorors and my mama and family in Michigan. Sorors and family here are fine, but there’s nothing like home. Ah, well. Still working towards it.

2blu2btru

Day 2

Tags

accountability, blogging, Bridget Jones, faith, finances, friends, goals, New Year's Resolutions, publication, relationships, word of the Year, work, working out, WOTY, writing

My goals for the year are simple, direct, to the point, a marvel of simplicity–but not easy to achieve. At least not for me. To fully embrace Accountability, I have certain areas in my life that are subpar that I want to work on, but that doesn’t mean I know exactly what I need to change or how to change it. the main idea is that I know it needs to change. Without further ado, my goals for 2010:

1. Get healthy/fit: exercise more, cook more at home, see a doctor, see a “lady doctor” (gynocologist), be more active. The treadmill and I are old friends, but now it’s time to be friends with some other exercise equipment, and outdoor activities like Tennis, biking/cycling, and possibly learn to swim. If my body is really a temple, it’s definitely time for temple maintenance. If I were the Holy Spirit dwelling in me, I wouldn’t be pleased with accommodations.

2a. Write more: It’s been too long since I’ve written anything that was of any substance, something that could be submitted for contests, publication, something other than a few witticisms on my wordpress blog, or a snarky entry in my private diary. Besides, I don’t write here nearly enough for it to count as a serious writing endeavor [but that is to be remedied. see 2c]

2b. Get published: I have been published before, but it was a long time ago, and if I am ever to do what I really want to do for a living (write novels, poetry, short stories, and memoirs), then I have to start getting published, getting my work (and my name) out there.

2c. Write more in my blog/online journals: It is my intention to write something here every single day. It is, at the least, something to make sure I have written everyday, and at most, it will show that I can stick with the process and think critically about my life. It will force me to be more creative if I have to find something interesting to talk about every day.

3. Career growth: In other words, don’t quit my day job, but rather, advance in it. The past six months I have been a permanent employee, I haven’t been given a career path, because I am still bouncing around departments, transferring everyone from primarily paper documentation to primarily computerized documentation and filing. It’s time for me to finish this and settle in to a career track with the company. I don’t want to be a “support specialist” forever. It’s time to make my career goals clear, and start moving in the direction I mean to go.

4. Get my financial house in order: I haven’t much of a problem paying the bills, but due to having to pay back loans, my debt to income ratio is too high, meaning I can’t get approved for much of anything. Somehow, I have to find the extra money to pay more on my debts and decrease them more rapidly, with an eye to a future free from debt and focused on saving for the future.

5 Get my spiritual house in order: I have had some hard knocks this year,  and it’s been harder and harder to preserve my relationship with God. People have died, people have betrayed me, I’ve lost things, relationships have soured, I’ve been frustrated at being stagnated in the same place in so many areas of my life. It’s been hard to continue to be patient and faithful, even for me. I’ve been through rough times before, but when it’s rough year after rough year, you begin to flag. Where is the valley? This year, it’s time to make peace with God; it’s not His fault for my situation(s). My minister said something that resonated with me. In the Bible it says the rain falls on the just and the unjust. What this means is that there are certain immutable laws of creation in place that if you do a, b will happen, whether or not you are a Christian, whether or not you are right. His example was, if I am a person who doesn’t believe in God, yet I plant seeds, till the earth, water it, and so on, I will yield a crop; if I am a Christian who never does those things but prays to God for a crop, I won’t have one. The world has laws governing it that apply to everyone. Sometimes, I’ve been that hand -stuck-out Christian that wanted God to do what I was supposed to be doing myself, at the same time trying to do the things I should have let Him do. It’s time to correct this balance and move forward with the Lord.

6. Time to shorten the guest list: I have to reign in my liberal use of the label “friend,” and my over availability to so-called friends. If I get taken advantage of a lot, that’s my own fault. I try to give people so many chances, and I never want to just cut people off. I have a problem throwing people away; I just can’t do it. What if they still need me? What if I still need them? Some people are just distractions and disturbances. Their aim is to keep you from being able to accomplish what you set out to do in the first place. Trying to help them achieves nothing, and they don’t have any benefit to you. It’s time to let those people fall away.

As I said before, none of this will be easy, and I am not sure how to go about all of it, but these are the goals (not resolutions) that I have set before myself, things I want to achieve. I probably won’t reach them all in a year either, but that is the short term goal period I have set, with my regular check points along the way.

Maybe I’ll keep track in each entry in a Bridget Jones sort of fashion: parasitic friends 20,  publications 0, extra money put to bills 0,  bills paid on time 0, minutes in the gym 0, vegetables 0… we will see.

To anyone who decides to follow along, thank you for taking this journey with me. There will be a few new restructing things on the blog soon. Look forward to it!

2blu2btru