Day 2: Naked Nightmares

Tags

avoidance, Fear, Naked Challenge, nightmares, starting over

Personal Photo (aka grainy cell phone pic)

Once I had a dream that I was supposed to be speaking somewhere, but I couldn’t speak because I had a mouth full of feces…literal feces. It was packed in so tight I couldn’t breathe. I was literally shoveling feces out of my mouth. I can’t remember how it got there or anything, but that image has stuck with me. I can make a bunch of bad scatological jokes about eating feces, feces eating grins, shoveling feces, and being full of feces, but the reality is this dream was terrifying. Luckily, it’s not a recurring nightmare.

I find that I can put off thinking about a great many things during the day, but at night, my subconscious is quick to let me know that those things are still simmering beneath the surface. Things that bother you deeply have a way of continuing to come up until you deal with them.

One of my coworkers is going through a separation type situation with her husband. She decided that she needed a fresh start and would wipe out all of the old after all of this began happening, but not too long after she was hired, a new temp began working who knew her and her husband. She was instantly upset. Here was one more person she would have to tell, a person she knew would be sad to hear about the split and wanting to know what happened, a Christian person she felt would try to encourage her to try and get back with her husband. I told her when she explained why she was so upset about the new temp that you can’t just “start over” without ending the old like that; until you deal with things, they’re just going to keep cropping up. God is funny that way; He wants you to deal with things, to overcome them. How rude, right?

Yesterday was a softball; today, it’s time to dig deeper. What are your nightmares? What do you dread thinking about or being faced with? What is your greatest fear? Why do you think this thing bothers you so much? What would remove this fear from your life?

Don’t forget to post a new thing you like about yourself, your empowering song (or painting, or saying, etc) for the day and one thing for which you are grateful.

XOXO

2blu2btru

Related articles

• Day 1: Naked in the Morning (2blu2btru.wordpress.com)
• The Naked Rules (2blu2btru.wordpress.com)

Stealers of Writing & Other Crazy NaNoWriMo Induced Dreams

Tags

characters, nightmares, writing

I had a crazy dream last night/this morning, and I am blaming it on NaNoWriMo. In case you aren’t convinced by my rather catchy title that NaNoWriMo is the culprit for all of this pre-dawn madness, I’ll recount the dream and let you be the judge.

I was in a house, a house that I used to live in as a little girl. The house was just as I remembered it–gray walls in the hallway, dingy carpet, yellow walls with the previous green colored paint showing through in my bedroom. There was someone in my room–they looked like a person, but felt more like a malevolent force. There was a set of bunkbed in the room–white iron, with frilly bedding, just like the bunkbed set I had. Underneath the bottom bunk were a bunch of  papers that I was trying to sneak out before the person guarding it tried to stop me. The papers were filled with great stories, interviews, all sorts of things that I had written, ideas that I had that were still born–gone before I ever got them on paper. I woke up before I either got the ideas out, gotten caught.

So you see, NaNoWriMo’s pressures are getting to me. I am dreaming of some malevolent force in my childhood home stealing all of the ideas and images I need to keep up the momentum on this whole NaNoWriMo ride. I’m having major performance anxiety. I’ve not met the word count, even though I have been writing each and every day. Not having internet on my own computer is a big problem for me. My computer hasn’t been on since my internet was cut. I write on paper now, which feels like a return to my roots.

The story is going fine. I have a definite plot and a great cast of independent characters. For example, I have one character, the best friend of the protagonist, who I had always imagined as being single and carefree in the planning stages, the person who was involved in all the main character’s foolishness. Well, this character decides to show up in her first scene pregnant! I tried everything I could to make her not pregnant, but she was determined to have this baby, so I have to work around it. Independent so and so characters.

Related Articles

• Seek Library Write-In Support: NaNoWriMo Tip #6 (mediabistro.com)
• Use a Name Generator: NaNoWriMo Tip #5 (mediabistro.com)

One More Day

Tags

Birthday, goals, Mr. Perfect, nightmares, sleepy, tired, to do list

There’s only one work day left in this week, and for that I am eternally grateful. It seems like the short weeks seem to be the hardest. I WAS HERE mLK day, so it isn’t that short, but it is only four days. I for onr had no problem working MLK day. I remember praying for a good job and now that I have one, I won’t complain. Except about coworkers every blue moon.

I’ve been slacking on the accountability goal, in the intended meaning/goals, and the unintended. I still have the library books, just sent in car payment, and have not written anything aside from blogs. As I said, I did get the car payment off, and I can take books back after work. But there are also the intangibles–I still have to set a definite date for trip home number one, and let Mr. Perfect know so he can put in for it. I need t make sure that I continue going to the gym, especially during the week when I have to go alone. I went by myself yeaterday, although I saw Mr. Perfect there. He seemed to be impressed I was there alone.

Other things to ensure I get done: file a claim for my cracked windshield bofore it falls in on me; deep clean my house; make my doctor’s appointment; make my dental appointment; invite people to this blog ( I need more comments/encouragement); sleep.

I absolutely need to ensure I sleep. I have dark smudges under my eyes again. It looks as if I’ve been beaten in the face. Two black eyes. It’s not cute. What’s also not cute is having nightmares about evil spirits in my house that I’m trying to convert to Christianity. What’s up with that? Seriously. Telling them it’s not too late like they ain’t dead, while they recline on my bed and my couches and turn my heat down. What the fudge? Not to mention dreams Mr. P has his arm across my throat choking me, or beeing chased by bees and getting stung, and all manner of foolishness.

I am so tired. I can’t go anywhere. I am going to try to cook this spaghetti and eat a little before I fall asleep where I sit. I have to go in early tomorrow, but I’m off on Friday, which is Mr. P’s birthday. Still not sure what is planned for this weekend, if he’s going to visit his friend in another city or what, but I know my weekend includes some sleeping in if I have to take some ambien to get it accomplished! (Well, not really; I hate pills and don’t like anything that makes you sleep…might not let you wake up)

2blu2btru