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adulthood, frustrations, Generation Y, love, milestones, money, recession proof, relationships, saving money
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I read an article about what’s wrong with 20 somethings. Generation Y has pushed back the ages at which we pass milestones of adulthood. These milestones are: finish school, leave parent’s home, be financially independent, get married and have children. The author talks about the effect the economy has had on uspassing these milestones–no jobs, debt, more women finishing school and putting off marriage/children, etc.
All of these things are having profound effects on our relationships. We are so worried about making it, we can’t focus on relationships, or living at home is cramping our style. Marrieds can’t afford to have children, argue about money, or both. So how do we fireproof our relationships from the flames of monetary frustration & frustrations of dead end jobs & knowing our lives are off track?
This seems to be of particular importance to men.They feel pressure from society to be able to provide financially. They bottle up work frustrations & feelings until they explode. They get ridiculed if they still live at home with their parents. They are finishing school at smaller rates than women. They have more pressure to get the house, the car, the wife and kids.
So what do we do to minimize the effects of all of these things have on our relationships? My suggestions:
- Eat in a little more: groceries last longer than takeout & give more value for your money. You can spend quality time around the dinner table. Also, men (and women) think cooking is sexy! 😀
- Take advantage of the library-libraries have movies you can checkout for free. Or you can read and discuss a book on relationships or a religious book together.
- If there’s a “dollar movie” theater near you, take advantage of it. It’s still a movie shown in a theater, just a lot cheaper. The one enar me also has concession deals & a rewards card.
- Look for deals-Bowling for $1/game or skating for $5 gets you out of the house & having fun for less money than you’d think.
- Pool your resources–Ladies, sometimes go out in your car. One person gets movie tickets, one gets the concessions. Ladies can treat as well sometimes.
- Let him know he doesn’t have to go broke to impress you. Choose a good but affordable restaurant and activities within his budget. You are getting to know him, or getting closer to him–not his wallet.
- Natural entertainment–Parks are free. Sunshine & a cool breeze are included. Pack a lunch and/or take a nice stroll around the park. Ride bikes together. Get active and work up a sweat.
Do you have any other tips to recession proof your relaitonship? How are you keeping the love warm when cold hard cash is an issue?
Related Articles
- What is it about today’s 20-somethings? (jilliancyork.com)
Indigo Moods 
You dont want me to go there. I am the most conservative monetary male in any relationship. I used to have a motto that Im not giving em nothing but candy and attitude, and i might skimp on the candy.
I am a FIRM believer that today’s woman does not respect nor is impressed by being treated. Reason being, men did that to kinda “show off” their ability to “provide” by showing “hey, if i can afford a $80 steak, I can definitely afford a nice house. Come with me”
Now women can buy their own $80 steak, so the point is lost, and many sistas are even like “you think you can get me by spending money, what kinda woman do you think i am?” Everyone loves a gift. But it need not be expensive, just earnest and sincere.
To me, I put myself in a position to let her know what she is getting herself into by dating me. I am not an easy guy to be with. I am not christian. I am vocal about it. I love God, and it is a requirement, regardless of her religion, that she acknowledge God on a serious level. I require being her first priority, before all of that career-focused stuff, because she will be my first priority over my career-focused stuff. I require a lot of time and focus, I need her to communicate on a level that makes many uncomfortable, and I require her to not put such value in things that money can buy. She needs to love conversation and having her mind stimulated as much as she loves a gift.
Lucky for me, when i find a woman like that, she tends to be a good one, unless life’s pressures cause bad situations. All in all, all of those things are free, and really open the door to being in a lasting kind of love, built on goals, ambition, quality time, character, and appreciation. Our generation will be in a much worse financial position than just about all others before us, we need to re-prioritize accordingly. If we measure ourselves using standards and conventions created during times that are not as bad as the current, we are always going to fall short of the results those standards were meant to give.
My tip would be this. Ladies, love the things about him that make you feel like no other man can replace him. Men, see her for who she is, and she wont want anything other than you, and everything else will just be sugar on top. those are free. 🙂
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I think you bring up a lot of good points. The ultimate goal of dating anyone is to get to know them, whether you are looking to marry, be in a committed relationship, or are still discovering what you like and don’t like in a mate. Once you decide to date someone, however, you have to do something together. You don’t want to sit in my living room having discussions all the time– which is why most of my suggestions were on ways to minimize the cost of interactions. When people are concerned about money (i.e. broke, as I am, lol), it can be a frustration and irritation to have to pay for or contribute towards something that’s more expensive. It can be hard to focus on the relationship when you’re wondering how much this is going to cost you.
I tried to make suggestions that would make your time together special and productive. For example, my boyfriend knows I can cook because sometimes instead of going out, I will cook for us–he doesn’t have to pay, and he learned something about me. Discussing books can tell you if you are intellectually compatible and if your ideals match up, and the library is free.
I think that anything you can do to take the focus off of outside pressures and spend your time together focused on each other and the relationship as much as possible is a good thing to try & incorporate into your relationship.
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You know, I love this list and I’ve done everything on here! I’ve consistently allowed Brotha’s to take me to cheap places and do cheap things because of his tight budget. i have girlfriends (mainly white) who won’t let you buy them a hot dog unless it’s coated with gold! LOL These women have men jumping hoops for them and you know what? Sometimes I wonder if we Black women are getting the short end of the stick by being so willing to help a man out….I just don’t know! Is it wrong to feel you deserve nice things?
Kelli
http://www.theblackcouple.com
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Whoo, girl! I think sometimes we get the short end of the stick by not expecting more in many aspects of our relationships! I feel like that old slogan: when we expect more, we will pay less for those choices, LOL! However, when it’s your man/husband/boo, someone you want to be around, when it comes to money, it’s OK to be consideratem If you’re just in it for a free meal, then I guess that’s a whole other post, lol.
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